So I just found last Saturday I have a two year old daughter that was born on Christmas of 2009. I am more scared than anything, I don't want my little girl growing up to be a whore like her mother but thankfully she has two brothers that both get in trouble for fighting at school. Thank god for small favors. I'm waiting to here if im eligble for SSI so lets see how that goes. I'm in theory seeing a girl but I can't manage to keep my dick in my pants while shes away. Hopefully that don't become a trend in this relationship. Whatever I told her long distance dont work for me. We need to get a place and our problems in check and everything should be fine. I just feel bad asking her to help me raise two kids that aren't hers. Whatever I've got better things to do like drink this beer instead of staring at it.

I have no idea if you still look at this but I miss you like crazy. Your never far from my thoughts. I just wish things woulda worked out for because I honestly believe that you are the one for me. I think about you every day and wonder how you are and if you ever think of me. I wish I could take back the hurtful things I said. I don't regret what we had for one moment I just wish it would've lasted forever like it was supposed to. I figure it worked for your dad maybe it will work for me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFIKPGVTwEY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN0tKB5QIe0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN0tKB5QIe0

So I moved again on my sons bday again. It's nice here. Hot but nice. I hate the heat but my family more than makes up for it. Job interview friday its nice to be in a real place again where work is easy. I'm too tired to post anything more right now.

Blah

My life is at a stand still here. I'm done with it all. Fuck it all. Everytime I expect anything out of people, hello dissapointment. I'm just so run down and my bipolars out of control and im sick of trying to deal with it all. Fuck child support, fuck baby mammas, fuck everyone. "What are friends, friends are people that you think are your friends but they're really your enemies with secret identities."

One break up and a few 12 packs later I'm coming home. It's funny looking over old posts and being like damn is my life on repeat? No matter what state I'm in the bullshit never stops. Looks like the next step is to one op bear grylls and go deepwoods on everyones ass. I'm tired of expecting anything from anyone all it does is end in amazing flash and style even for one of my breakups. Hello 2 day greyhound ride tommorow. Back to the fat tire and facebook. Oh what a wonderful life I live out here.

I want her so bad. I'm so completely head over heels for her and its amazing. I always said I'd never get married but girl got my head twisted thinking that maybe having a big goofy mixed family wouldn't be half bad. I can't wait to get back to work, back to money, be with her and get my divorce finalized. It's a long over due process. Molly whines about disrespect which I can understand to a point but where was the respect for blatantly lieing to my face for over half a fucking year? Oh your butt hurt? Boo hoo. At least I don't have to hide behind lies for my actions and its a nice feeling to have.

IT's super bowl sunday and I'm pleasantly inebrieated which is a nice change. Thats all for now lots more posting when my internet returns weds. God bless all who read this for the moment.

Damn

It's almost Christmas and I am not broke angry and irritated like I figured I would be. I work often enough to keep change in my pocket and to have fun when it's called for. It's weird I find myself thinking about the past alot lately and the moer I think I about it there was only one mistake I've really made since I moved home. Instead of assuming that she knew how I felt about her instead of telling her daily just what she meant to me. Oh well I guess I will get my chance soon enough to say all the things that nag away at me at night wondering what if and just maybe. Soon. Soon.