You like to see homo's naked?

So I'm journeying up the great white shithole again next week. Every time I go I try and hype myself up telling myself that its gonna be fun this time. Unfortunately my son is the best allegory of this as soon as I think its tolerable bam 18 month fist to the dick. Don't get me wrong I love my son more then life itself but sometimes you just gotta see the writing on the wall when your getting pet and hes got a big shit eating grin hes just getting ready to wind up and hit you in the skin chandeliers. I guess what I'm getting at is that everything's well and good but deep down your expecting a toddler to punch you in your coin purse?

Speechless

I am at a loss for words yes indeed it rubs the lotion on the skin. Why has no one heard of these guys that are at least funny yet britney spears still pollutes my ears whenever that vapid whore isn't in rehab?

Whos life is this?

I just realized that when I was a child and thought that girls had a secret fraternity (sorority?) that I might not have been that far off from the truth. Why is it every time A girl says that she hates sucking dick you always end up getting a blow job that would put a porn star to shame? I'm on to you fuckers, I don't like giving head has officially become my second favorite sentence right behind I would never sleep with you.

tough guy image equals shot

I know I kind of look like an intimidating guy, I'm tall, shaved head, goatee, literally covered in tattoos and generally give a dont fuck with me vibe but I'm 99.9 % sure the neighbor is no longer intimidated and here's a list why. 1. listening to son of of son of a sailor. 3 and this is key make sure that she will be loved is not right after son of a son of a sailor. (Maybe I'm not nearly as hardcore and manly as I thought.)

A break from myself

You ever have one of those moments where you know exactly whats going to happen if you don't tread lightly? It's somewhere between intuition and learned knowledge from past experience. Yeah I had me one of those last night. After getting blown off I finally meet up with my date around One a.m. As luck would have it I wanted no excuses no bullshit and the fateful words just kind of came out and didn't stop. I'm overanalyzing as usual so I'm done for the night. Pretty much go to the two minute mark (where J.D.'s penis threatens to kill him) in this video and it summed up my night.

I am not dead

I will be making my triumphant return all the way soon. Right now my life is just kind of chaotic. I have me a date tomorrow night, my computer is fucked for the moment so I am on my roommates, my ex is still crazy as ever and trying to weasel her way back into my life, and my son is finally gonna come hang out with dad for a couple of weeks.

And now you know and knowing is half the battle according to G. I. Joe

If you get really drunk and eat an entire two pound box of shrimp scampii you will have such bad diarrea from the mix that you WILL walk around gingerly the next day from the dreaded over wiping. (How I am not horribly obese I will never know, when prompted I can litterally put down like 7000 calories or so in a day no problem.)

Moustache, I envy you

I know the ADD is kicking in but I have to wonder AM I the only 23 male on fucking earth that can't grow out a stache? Seriously. What the fuck? Every time I try I end up looking like a pedophile or a pubescent mexican boy. I have enough testosterone for 3 guys yet when I try and prove my manliness once and for all i get is a moloustache? Fucking bullshit.

hooray

I have so much bullshit and stress in my life at the moment that I am going to do what Jason does in these types of situations. I am going to get fucking wasted. I don't mean have a couple of drinks and relax, oh no I mean like laying on the floor hurling insults while giggling and bitching that the fast food is gone. I think I've earned it, and well quite frankly if you disagree I could give a rats ass less. Go go gadget mexican night bring on the tequila sunrise's, taco bell, and hot sauce oh my. Better stock up on toilet paper and tylenol todays gonna be a long one bitches.

Whoring

I just realized I am a unique character I'm what would happen if quaqmire, the "cool uncle" in your family, tommy lee and a rhodes scholar had an orgy baby. So if you need someone to entertain you my services are now on the table. Need someone pissed off? Need a self esteem boost? Drinking buddy? Confidante? Need someone to argue why John Wayne Gacy is the coolest person to come out of Illinois? Need an arch nemesis? I can do all this and much more.( Fees negotiable, coors lights would probably be sufficient)