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Thursday, February 5, 2009

I'm finally ok with it all thanks for not asking

Getting ready to leave back to the frozen tundra I once called home. If everything goes my way I will have a bus ticket in hand monday, I miss my son like crazy, I act more lost then I actually am, I hate you, I love you. Does any of it really matter? I'm a winner, I'm a quitter, who the fuck cares, at least I tried to play the game(pussy). I'm going to see the place that time and caring forgot and all the emotions I should have about going back to a place that I don't care for and doesn't matter and I'm just numb to it all. I aint gonna get wrapped up in any more bullshit, I got a clean break nearer then farther away, I got everything wrapped up but one maigcal phone call. Does any of this matter? Probably not. I can finally see the dawn on the horizon, the dark clouds no longer obscuring my vision. I run from my self, I hide from myself, I find myself and still don't give a shit. Everything is a alot easier when your selfish as fuck. I used to have dreams, hope, ambitions, now.... I just want to finish cleaning up my life. I'm on a precipe between being there and falling back to the bottom where I was. Who the fuck knew it'd be such a slippery narrow slope? When I get to where I'm going will I be content then? Probably not but when you give up trying to get better is it any of it worth it?