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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

amauters night

Fuck going out seriously, I'm not opposed to getting drunk and having a good time, I'm really not. What I am opposed to is trying to swim through the sea of douche that includes but is not limited to the following popped collar bros, soroistutes, the I'm totally wasted after a shot of apple pucker guys, etc. Whatever me, my coors light, south park, and a sweet chunk of grilled salmon have a date I'm out.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Whatever illegal wetback that stole my social security number to wash dishes in chicago, your an asshole and fucking up my unemployment. I bet the reason you didn't full on steal my identity is because your retarded amd are just using my number either that or my credit was shot before hand and you cant really get anything with it anyways. My delusional self likes to think its A and not B.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

attention jason is not a wigger

So Jason was randomly perusing the internet and came across a tupac quote of all that Jason had completely forgot about (nigga) anyways. “We wouldn't ask why a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals, in turn, we would all celebrate its tenacity, we would all love its will to reach the sun, well, we are the roses, this is the concrete and these are my damaged petals, dont ask me why, thank god, and ask me how”


Since it's after midnight and Jason is going to see if he can narrate his life in the 3rd person for an entire 24 period. Now don't get the wrong idea Jason knows exactly how annoying this is going to be for all the people around him, what you have to remember is Jason is kind an asshole and the more it annoys people the more it is just going to make the dick do it more. Jason's gonna let everyone know tomorrow night how his great plans turn out.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I remember

One time when my parents were fighting like always, my 11 year old self decided I was just as good in the woods as Macgyver. Unfortunately even with better supplies then mac had I barely lasted six hours before my ADD kicked in and I retired to yet another day of them giving me the fuel to be a goofy fuck today. Regardless I heart you macgyver, your mullet and mastery of all things still inspire me to this day. I may just start working on an apedrape today as my homage to you.

very seldom am I at a lost for words. Ladies and gentlemen a charlie brown kwanza

Friday, December 26, 2008

An open letter to my teen Sexy time partners

TO M I'm sorry that you have to to admit to everyone that you lost your virginity to me in the back of a bad ass olds 88. I'm not really sorry but you should be.

To S So you were in my satellite class senior year of high school then we fucked at your roommates Halloween party and she was pissed because I fucked you in her bed and left what was in her words a "fucking nut spunk condom" left on side of her bed. In my defense I'm the most bad ass manimal this worlds ever seen. Common courtesy? Not for me. Little did I know you would have long term consequences.

To S you were my friends little sister you were there, hot, and let me do naughty things whenever I felt like. God bless your oversexed heart.

To Dirty Drew You were hot"ish", did you know you ended up with the name of rock behind your back? Me and my friends gave it to you, because you had the common sense of a box of them. I most vividly remember having sex in my apartment and every time I just kept thinking about how I wanted to drape my giant nuts over your giant nose to make it look like you were a granny wearing my old skin chandeliers like the bifocals that just sit on your nose.

To D I was drunk, you were easy. You freaked and cried and the only good to come out of it is I realized tears as lube jokes don't go over well after just having relations.

To m. I was a selfish asshole, still am actually but if we ever hump again I promise when I switch lanes into the exit only lane I will use proper signaling instead of listening to another banshee yelp.

A lesson learned

Earlier while talking with my state appointed mental health counselor we had this exchange that left him speechless and possibly wondering about me as a human. "So Jay do you have any deviant thoughts?" "No not really, but the dead hooker bound and gagged in my closet might want to argue that". Cue uncomfortable silence from him while he waits for me to say I was joking. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Finally he just looks away hides his look of disgust and continues with the questions. I wonder why I have strained relationships with most "normies".

merry xmas bitches

After my last post I thought this was pretty fitting to get everyone into "holiday cheer" mode.

Well ho ho ho santa was here

So if that's what Christmas is supposed to be about I think jesus might be a little pissed. What the fuck could that girl have done in 8 years that god hated her so much that he let "Santa" shoot her in the face and live? That should fuel you godless heathens for a week or two. Fuck it makes me question my faith, either that or that little girl was an asswipe and didn't listen to her parents. Let this be a lesson to all the children, Santa don't just put you in the naughty list anymore, he's pissed, and packing heat. The worse your behavior determines where you get shot, if that little girl was less of a bitch she would've been knee capped. God I hope theres an action movie based on this.
Thanks to Kodeine's blog for sharing that little news story with me.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Just a random thought. Once you break free of dealing with everyone elses expectations and do your own thing happiness will be much easier to attain. I know this is a break from my normal postings but just think about it.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

one more thing

While taking a piss i realized that post just defeated world terrorism. I just kicked terrrorisms ass like it was a rocky montage. Rocky>terrorism. Just like that now that terrorism is defeated

In case you were wondering

For any of you that ever thought, is it ok to sit around smoking blunts and drinking coors light on christmas eve. Yes, yes it is, and its your patriotic duty. Doing this is like punching a foreigner in the mouth, while blaring jimmy hendrix's rendition of the star spangled banner, wearing zuba pants with an american flag logo, fuck yeah. Fuck jesus christmas is about america not christianity and if you dont believe me you're either a muslim and or terrorist. (Probably both) I'm doing my part to fight terrorism by doing this so there. AMERICA FUCK YEAH.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

You ever

Have you ever gotten so high that you start to think about what if your memories really aren't your's that they were just put there by your brain telling you that it happened and because you think it's true then it must be? I gotta start smoking more or less these are my every day thoughts that keep my up at night.

Monday, December 22, 2008

you be the judge

Is it just me or does this band sound like eric clapton and elevator muzak fucked and had this bastard? Is it just me or is this stuff just good enough to really quickly become annoying or is it good? I'm up in the air, you be the judge i guess.

on heroine weed and beer

You ever notice that the first argument a pot head says on legalization is whens the last time a stoner hit his significant other? Well whens the last time a heroine junkie hit his significant other? But jay junkies dont have S/o's... Who gives a shit i just want to beat a homeless guy.

use this product

Just in case your like everybody else on the planet and wondered what Jim Henson did before the muppets struck it big, I have your answer and video evidence that it's better to a coffee drinking muppet then a shot in the face muppet but i digress. Heres the video

Sunday, December 21, 2008

meth... good or bad? You judge

I'm a little confused is this ad supposed be for or against meth?

my easily amused son

dbob 2

I wish i was half as cool or amused by things like my son is with a blanket
Whats are the pro's and cons of being a woman? Lets start with the cons.n 1 you nag. 2 you whine. 3 you bitch. 4 your crotch bleeds. 5 Everything is cute. 6 You like stupid small dogs. 7 You have the attention span of a raccoon(Is that something shiney!?) 8 You act like catty bitches to each other. 9 You have no sense of pride that a man would be caught dead with. 10. Paris hilton is part of your sex not mine
Now the pros. 1 You have a vagina i like vagina's. As a matter of fact i would like to eat one right now.

Thank you

I would like to thank everyone that's helped me out and let you all know it's much appreciated but there is still things that need to get done. Please rss feed this site, and follow this site. Any other bloggers feel free to add me and i will add you back in return. Again thanks a bunch


You ever wait till you can't stand the smell of yourself before you shower? It starts at the armpits smelling ripe and your hair being greasy and itchy. I've never let if get beyond this point. Can anyone tell me what the next steps are?

The sweet breakdancing black ranger video evidence.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Whats wrong with the power rangers? American hero's or dirty subliminal racist's? Well first off the black ranger is well a black guy that break dances, The yellow ranger was asian, The white ranger was a white dude and the strongest of the bunch, and the pink ranger is your typical stuck up white bitch. A break dancing black dude, hhhmmm if this were a horror film what do you think would happen? BAM gruesome black death that's what bitches.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

HHHHmmmm dead hooker sandwhich

You ever wonder what a dead hooker sandwich would taste like? If you just decided to broil up a lady of the night and serve her with a 40 of colt 45? Maybe just saw off a hepatitis infected leg and cook it like lamb? Yeah me either.


Sometimes i still have no idea who the fuck i am. I only have maybe four people i can actually call friends and the rest are people who i tolerate which reminds of lyrics from the fucking piano man "Yes, theyre sharing a drink they call loneliness But its better than drinkin alone". I dont know who the fuck i am or what i want from life other than to give my son a good life and ride his ass like my dad did mine to do good in life so your not stuck sucking in natural gas fumes off the pipe line like he did or to suck in all the wonderful chemicals in tarpaper and roofing like yours truly. I gotta go to work now because at least there i dont have to think of this shit and all i gotta do is move quick and be strong. (Word of advice the next person that even remotely annoys me is probably going to get knocked the fuck out im sore,sunburned,confused, and butthurt, and if i get paid today ill be drunk very drunk on top of this so that is all. Fuck it im out.

I will eat your children

Why the fuck do people contiune to try and run away from their weird little quirks and habits? Quit being a pussy you cant run or hide from your crazy so you might as well embrace it you know? I'm going to end my daily rant froma qoute from a crazy i was in rehab with "no matter where i go there i am" think about and quit being a giant gaping vagina and either embrace who you are or change into someone you want to be.

Inane ramblings

It's so much easier to call people out on their flaws than to sit down and look evaluate your own i know ive been guilty as fuck of this and im sure everyone else has too. Oh yeah and on a simlar note i suppose life gets alot easier when you start to see people for what and who they really are instead of who you want them to be because very seldom are they the same.

and on the 8th day god woke up to broken beer bottles and broken women

Although i claim to have my shit together so much these days not a day goes by where i dont learn something. Today i learned that when you try and run from your past and your problems they eventually will always catch up no matter how far or fast you run. I can't change who i was i can't really change who i am what i can change is this; no matter how small and trivial it may seem i try and be just a little bit of an asshole than i was the day before. Yes for me this will be a life long process but i assume that with time like everything else it will get easier and better. And to quote shitty movies " Don't take life too serious you'll never get out alive" Van Wilder i know i know a subpar movie but a great message hey we are only human and life is a journey enjoy it for all its ups AND downs and don't assume anything. Night y'all.

Jason? It's satan.. We've been expecting you

Jason this is lucifer we’ve been expecting you here is your upper management position

Isn't it weird when you wake up one day and your actually content and realize that your finally getting your shit together and starting to figure out how the world works? I may be broke as shit at the moment but that is a minor glitch in the plan I've come to realize that my intelligence and awesome word smithing skills are lost on a lot of you so i will try and water this down as much as possible. You cannot absolutely cannot sit around bitching about your life and then not go and do anything about it and start playing the coulda woulda shoulda whoa is me bullshit if your not actively trying to start the journey where you want to go. You think it was easy for me to pack a hobo ass garbage bag and move away? No not at all. Think it was easy leaving Deacon? no, not at all. You know why i did it anyways? Because when it came down to it you gotta quit running your man pleaser and step up to the plate when its time to sack up. I'm literally keeping track of all of you people back home home who are doing this exact whiney ass shit. If you question for a second if im talking to you than yes you are one the countless douches that im bitching about. Instead of whining all the time why don't you play in traffic? blow a curling iron? Whatever most of you people back there can't drag your fucking neanderthal knuckles high up enough to reach the key board so my point is kind of lost on half of you tard pups anyways.

wah wah wah

I'm tired not physically so much as mentally i have to keep lieing to myself and saying that this day will be better than the last. All though its a lie its the only thing that keeps me going. i'm tired of everyone else whining about their inane bullshit problems. Oh whats that life didnt turn out how you wanted it to? Congartufuckinglations u fucking morons its called life. What ever i can barely make rent and eat much less chew through all the weed i need to keep from beating the fuck out of you cocksuckers. Seriously the unabomber had it right for fucks sake. As soon as this lease is up im going to move to a shack in montana i swear to god. I have something to say to alot of douche nozzles but i would rather mail it if you know what i mean?

incoherent rambling stoner

"I would die for you, but i can't live for you." Try and take that in. I'm not sure if my randoms thoughts on life affect others people lives or not and it don't really matter at the end of the day i suppose, but think of it like this, you choose who you let into your life and show them your true weirdness and in return all you can do is hope that they let you into their own little fucked up world.

sea of suck part one

My roommate and best friend pointed out that while everyone was out learning basic communiciation and life skills my parents were teaching my anti life skills. Now that i am (glacially) maturing i am starting to realize that im going to have to un program and unfuck my head on a lot of things. On some fronts im light years ahead of the pack on dealing with relationships but on others im like an angry toddler that just gets angry and whines to get his way i think im like a retarded savant when it comes to people some times i really do. I wish there was an easy way to fix this but i brought it on myself in a way when i knew my life was fucked up i shouldn't have decided to delve into the wonderful world of doing enough cocaine to take down keith richards its just not a good idea. But we live and learn. I'm trying to unfuck my head i really am. To the few people past that didn't deserve the way i treated them i do apologize. I think that all two of you can figure out who you are. I'm tired of sitting here thinking everything is going to fall into place for me, if it was going to it would've by now. So starting today i'm going to make it a point to clean up my life, myself, and get a fresh start somewhere where i don't want to sodomize most people in my life with an electric turkey cutter. Where ever that is that i won't want to violently sodomize people is anyones guess my next attempt to do this is gonna be the texas coast. Good ol' boy texas at least there hopefully people will not be turned off by my not so hidden racism. I've lived higher highs and lower lows at 23 than most people get in life time and i accept that now im just going to try and go for some normalcy. The worst part of it all is that when all the booze coke and opiates are gone i still have to deal with myself. At least i know in my heart of hearts that i'm not a bad person. Just someone that got put into fucked up circumstances and i am finnally starting to see that and now that i've sorted through most of my personal baggage i can start to live my life as how i see fit. Fuck everyone else if they don't agree or like me any more. MY LIFE MY JOURNEY..... cocksuckers.

Stuck in a moment

i got u2s stuck in a moment in my head and its very fitting. I'm torn between staying here so rod doesn't lose the apt or going to attempt to go somewhere else to unfuck my self. I had every intention of booting out now i don't know if I can do it. Phsysically yes mentally probably not. I've tried so hard to help everyone else with their problems that i just let mine build and compound meh I gotta start figuring out whether i should listen to my head or my heart.

yeah uh huh and for sure

Now for starters let me tell you that anybody that burns nag champa is a dirty fucking hippie primed for redicule and torture. Did you ever smell something that your brain instantly converted to a memory that you didn't even realize you had? Thats what that dirty fucking smell did to me earlier. A couple years ago i had what was almost a dream job if the boss wasn't a nitrous huffing retard that is. Raise your hand if you can say that you worked at a porn/pipe shop and got paid relatively decent and what you didn't you made up for by taking "damage" goods? Yeah as much as i hate(d) the boss and the shitty same loop of shitty techno music that that half a fag was playing was made all worth while by the fact that i had the best job possible. If that business was run by somebody that was an inept social retard i would've died as manager i swear to god. Under the right circumstances working at a porn/pipe shop is a big limp dick staring you in the face, you just can't beat it.

damned midgets

Where are all the regular nine to five midgets? Ever notice if you see a midget It's a porn, serving drinks at a bar, or wrestling? I wish i was a goddamned midget then the gates of heaven would magically open and i would be flooded with a sea of diseased porn star poon. Ahh if only i had the genetic mishmash to have the weird stubby sausage fingers and the giant echolocation forehead. Thats the key to success people Those dirty tiny bastards try and make YOU feel guilty? Oh no now that they have been exposed we must unite and make them become wage slaves like the rest of us instead of pint sized drink servers. Viva la revolucion