sea of suck part one

My roommate and best friend pointed out that while everyone was out learning basic communiciation and life skills my parents were teaching my anti life skills. Now that i am (glacially) maturing i am starting to realize that im going to have to un program and unfuck my head on a lot of things. On some fronts im light years ahead of the pack on dealing with relationships but on others im like an angry toddler that just gets angry and whines to get his way i think im like a retarded savant when it comes to people some times i really do. I wish there was an easy way to fix this but i brought it on myself in a way when i knew my life was fucked up i shouldn't have decided to delve into the wonderful world of doing enough cocaine to take down keith richards its just not a good idea. But we live and learn. I'm trying to unfuck my head i really am. To the few people past that didn't deserve the way i treated them i do apologize. I think that all two of you can figure out who you are. I'm tired of sitting here thinking everything is going to fall into place for me, if it was going to it would've by now. So starting today i'm going to make it a point to clean up my life, myself, and get a fresh start somewhere where i don't want to sodomize most people in my life with an electric turkey cutter. Where ever that is that i won't want to violently sodomize people is anyones guess my next attempt to do this is gonna be the texas coast. Good ol' boy texas at least there hopefully people will not be turned off by my not so hidden racism. I've lived higher highs and lower lows at 23 than most people get in life time and i accept that now im just going to try and go for some normalcy. The worst part of it all is that when all the booze coke and opiates are gone i still have to deal with myself. At least i know in my heart of hearts that i'm not a bad person. Just someone that got put into fucked up circumstances and i am finnally starting to see that and now that i've sorted through most of my personal baggage i can start to live my life as how i see fit. Fuck everyone else if they don't agree or like me any more. MY LIFE MY JOURNEY..... cocksuckers.