Damn

It's almost Christmas and I am not broke angry and irritated like I figured I would be. I work often enough to keep change in my pocket and to have fun when it's called for. It's weird I find myself thinking about the past alot lately and the moer I think I about it there was only one mistake I've really made since I moved home. Instead of assuming that she knew how I felt about her instead of telling her daily just what she meant to me. Oh well I guess I will get my chance soon enough to say all the things that nag away at me at night wondering what if and just maybe. Soon. Soon.

Ear shot, wait lyrics

Something's wrong,
Trying to conquer these fears i thoghut were gone.
And it's been so long, I'm dying to live in a world i dont belong

I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone..

On my own,
I'll show myself what it means to be alone.
And the tears i cry are washed away.
All the scars are my disguise.

I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
Im forever alone..

I'm forever alone.
I'm forever alone.
I'm forever alone.

I, I'm not waiting here this time.

I can't wait for someone to hear me.
And wait for someone to touch me
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me
And wait for someone to heal me
And wait forever to be told
I'm forever alone.

There is something so unsettling about being woken up by a naked toddler hitting you with a fly swatter. Oh, and also I wistfully look back on the days when I could go and take a shit with out having a two year helper pointing at my dick going bird! Bird! and trying to get me toilet paper.

I hate y'all

I feel so distant, so isolated, so different. It sounds so cliche but I feel like me and all my friends from up here are on just two completely different wave lengths. My goals, hopes, ambitions, drive are all completely different from every ones up here. I know time changes everything and "you can never go home again" but damn. I think today is as good of a day as any to go find out about the he man woman haters club. Fuck a factory job maybe when work is slow I'll just log? Fuck you you don't know how to be a friend. It was fun but your 18 and we are light years apart in what we want and your moms nuts. Fuck you you bitch and moan that no one is there to be your friend when YOU need one yet you don't reciprocate that. Should I become as fucked up as your family so you think you need to rescue me again? I'm going to start a harem of bitches, one can never have too many dishwashers slash food cookers handy. My son thinks hes a cat now and likes to dig holes on the beach, shit in them and cover them with sand? Bad whiskers!?!. I'm overly tired didn't get done what I wanted to today. And I hope you all die from cancer that eats you from your very core to the one thing most of you fucks don't have.... A soul.

Who I am

I think it's a testament to who I am as a person that by far the closest friend I've made in my year and some change in the dirty smelly fucking vile cornfields is trailer trash. Yeah he may not be the smartest man and he may have been married 7 times but.......... Hes one of the few people that I've come across that is genuinely nice. I'm talking literally give you the shirt off your back and money out of his wallet nice. Me and him bond over dogs, country music, beer, jack and coke, ex wives, hunting, fishing, camping. Pretty much things that make my world go round. In other words there are two reasons why I'm gonna miss this place. Real diverse restaurants and my hetero life mate.

Real update coming soon I promise. Just let me not work like a field nigger for one day and it'll be here. I have shit tons on my mind but the words won't come out right when I'm exhausted.

Some time around midnight.....

Sometime Around Midnight the Airborne Toxic Event Lyrics

And it starts..
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that's when
You lose yourself
For a minute or two

As you stand...
Under the barlights
And the band plays some song
About forgetting yourself for a while
And the piano's this melancholy soundcheck
To her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
You haven't seen her
For a while

But you know...
That she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
She's holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
She walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume
You can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...
In your emotions
And all of these memories come rushing
Like feral waves to your mind
Of the curl of your bodies
Like two perfect circles entwined
And you feel hopeless, and homeless
And lost in the haze
Of the wine

And she leaves...
With someone you don't know
But she makes sure you saw her
She looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling
Your stomach in ropes
And when your friends say what is it
You look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...
Under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice
That everyone is staring at you
And you so care what you look like
The world is falling
Around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

And you know that she'll break you
In two

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fuckin' depressed
I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position I'm in
I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow
But I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
Copy
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that...
I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need fucking man servin'
Tryin to follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like that
Ahh Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands with doubt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tungue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you where?
I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone... sOoOoo
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through OoOo
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you sOoOoo Oo Oo

Yea... To my babies. Stay strong. Daddy will be soon
And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes
That fit you, so put em on and wear em
And be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful

So I'm finally doing it. I'm going into business for myself. I have the money, the equipment and more importantly the experience to finally be my own boss. By my own admission I'm scared as fuck. I have so many questions. What makes someone a good boss/ employer? How do you find employees that are suitable to deal with my hot head and anal retentive ways? How do I separate myself from the competition? Basically I've read the books on it but I would rather get some real world input from people with more experience than me. And for the record it will be a tree service/ lawn and turf business/ landscaping. Any witty slogans and such are greatly appreciated.

Todays lesson brought to you by the letter A

I'm tired of people assuming shit about me because of my personal appearance, my demeanor, my attitude, etc. Yes thats right guy that knows the irrigation system at work. I picked up half your knowledge base in two season there. You've been there since when? 89? I don't look like the reading type? You do look like the creepy fifty something guy that lives with his mom and talks incessantly about caving and cars. Hey look Jay 1, Alan 0. Asshole.

Goonies never say die!

As me and one of my bosses were discussing if everyone would be cool with coming in at 5 every day instead of 6 to try and beat the heat (it was overwhelmingly agreed that its a good idea) we had this little exchange in the middle of it. "So Jay did you and Wayne give up on bunkers for the day or what?" "Goonies never say die!" "Did your mom drink alot when she was pregnant?" Pause for us laughing. "That's what I love about summer, you can drink as much beer as you want and you sweat it all out by 10 and you feel good as new." "Yeah I drank a lot of NewCastle last night and I've been chucking butt mud all day because of it." So in summation I challenge everyone to try and put those sentences back to back. "Goonies never say die!" and "Yeah I drank a lot of NewCastle last night and I've been chucking butt mud all day because of it."

I am quite possibly retarded

I love working outside and I'm one of the hardest working smart ass motherfuckers the golf course has ever seen. I love the fact that even though I'm an "adult" and "responsible with power tools" it still amuses me that people trust me enough with tools that I could easily "trip" and "disembowel assholes I don't like" and have said these things verbatim to my bosses that they think I'm joking and still allow me to go out and do whatever. I love my second job, more smart ass comments and it's only the people from work that actually WORK and that the arborist likes. It's pretty much the golf course version 2.0 with more money which is awesome because when most of your money goes to cigarettes, dip(none of that poor people Griz shit for me) or rent more money is better. Obviously. The third job at the pet store that I start Sunday morning (after getting off work from the golf course which I will get some time off one of these months I swear) is kind of iffy. I might be a lot of things but I'm really not sure if customer service is going to be my forte. Oh I see your bringing back a dead fish, well that's fucking awesome throw that in the trash and I'll get you a new one. I can see it all ready. I will keep this updated on my (mis)adventures of trying to deal with people on a day to day basis. Somehow I can see my alcohol consumption going up exponentially having to deal with people.

But

Even though not everything in my house would make a sweet beer bong I will be picking up a pink flamingo when I get the chance. Who doesn't need the "FLABONGO?"

I'm not a doctor but all the signs seem to be there

I realized today that I've accidentally became an adult. Here is just a short list of the dirty symptoms that have been plaguing me.

I don't get high anymore and go to the gas station for dinner.

"those fucking kids" are actually 18 year old adults.

The phrase "when I was a kid" has actually entered my vocabulary.

Beer is no longer whats for breakfast.

I've gotten so used to waking up at 4:30 for work that I no longer need an alarm clock. I set it just in case.

Not every random object in my apartment would totally make a sweet bong or beer bong.

People actually come to me for advice. And I give them sincere insight instead of random funny gibberish.

Reading for a bit and then going to bed seems like an acceptable alternative to going out.

When being around 18-21 year olds isn't fun; they're obnoxious, retarded know-it-alls. I wouldn't go back to being 18 for a million dollars.

I stopped dealing with unstable people just for great sex.

Having sex with a 15 year old is no longer my weekly goal, it's now creepy and illegal.

When there's a piece of shit just aching to get into a fight with me, and I realize that I'm too damn old to get arrested for fighting so I just brush it off and move on.

I hear younger kids referring to songs I listened to as "classics".

The mindset of sleeping with as many girls as possible distinctly faded away and I find myself longing to be with someone who can put up with me on a daily basis, if you're lucky you have found that person.

Motherfucker I feel old. Now get those damned kids off my lawn.

I've started this post a million times for a week straight and yet every time it doesn't come out right and I just get flustered and close it. Its weird finally having everything going right. I love my jobs, I love working all the time even if it means trying to go from four thirty in the morning till nine or ten at night. It gives me focus and a burning passion to want to do better even if it has killed the little bit of social life I had down here. The biggest problem I have now is I don't really have a passion or a hobby. Living in shit hole one north for two more months means not worth the hassle of getting a dog nor the free time to even properly care for it. Going a whole year without having a dog as a companion is killing me. There is something about unwavering loyalty and pure excitement every time you walk in the door of them acting they weren't sure if you were coming back that I need in my life.

An open letter to the guys at the gym

Trust me when I say this. You designer sunglasses and Sean john work out suit do not help you at the gym. But then again neither does standing in front of the mirrors flexing the entire fucking time while I try and lift. Standing around trying to act important on your blue tooth headset while wandering around like a lost child occasionally lifting weights that would be better suited for pubescent girls trying to get toned are not going to get you anywhere. If your going to a gym to hang out and look important you are an entire shed of tool. The only guy worse at the gym today was your Guido looking friend that found it necessary to scream and grunt while lifting weights that I usually WARM UP WITH BEFORE I START. So with that Guido and three Kanye west knock off friends I am not impressed.

Eminem beautiful lyrics

(Musical intro)
I'm just so fucking depressed
i just cant seem to get out this slump
if i could just get over this hump
but i need something to pull me out this dump
i took my bruises took my lumps
fell down and i got right back up
but i need that spark to get psyched back up
and in order for me to pick the mic back up
i don't know how or why or when
i ended up this position I'm in
I'm started to feel distant again
so i decided just to pick this pen
up and try to make an attempt to vent
but i just cant admit
or come to grips the fact that i may be done with rap
i need a new outlet
and i know some shits so hard to swallow
but i cant just sit back and wallow
in my own sorrow but i know one fact
ill be one tough act to follow
one tough act to follow
ill be one tough act to follow
here today gone tomorrow but you'd have to walk a thousand miles

Chorus:
in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what id be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside each others minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through each others eyes
it don't matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
don't matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you

i think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
every things so tense and gloom
i almost fee like i gotta check the temperature of the room just as soon as i walk in
its like all eyes on me i try to avoid any contact
cause if i do that then it opens the door for conversation like i want that
I'm not looking for extra attention i just want to be just like you
blend in with the rest of the room maybe just point me to the closest restroom
i don't need no fucking man servant trying to follow me around and try to wipe my ass
laugh at every single joke i crack and half of them ain't even funny like hahhhhh
"Marshall your so funny man you should be a comedian god damn"
unfortunately i am i just hide behind the tears of a clown
so why don't you all sit down
listen to the tale that I'm about to tell
hell we don't gotta trade our shoes
and you don't gotta walk no thousand miles

Chorus:
in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what id be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside each others minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through each others eyes
it don't matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
don't matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to youuuuu

nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we're dealt
we gotta take these cards ourselves and flip em don't expect no help
now i could have either just stayed at home sit on my ass and pissed and moaned
or take this situation with which I'm placed in and get up and kick my own
i was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
and sat on the porch and hope and prayed for a dad to show up who never did
i just wanted to fit in in every single place every school i went
i dreamed of being that cool kid even if it meant acting stupid
and Edna always told me keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that
meanwhile I'm just standing there holding my tongue trynwa twalk like dwis
then i stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole at 8 years old
i learned my lesson then cause i wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
but i already told you my whole life story
not just based on my description
cause where you see it from where your sitting its probably 110% different
i guess we would have to walk a mile in each others shoes at least
what size you wear? i wear tens
lets see if you can fit your feet

Chorus:
in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what it'd be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside each others minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through each others eyes
it don't matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
don't matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
so
it don't matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
so

(music outro)

em:
yeah
to my babies
stay strong
daddy will be home soon
and to the rest of the world
god gave you shoes to fit you
so put em on and wear them
be yourself man
be proud of who you are
and even if it sounds corny
don't ever let anyone tell you you ain't beautiful

fucking fuckers

There is this one guy at work that has no lust for life and has no passion for anything. Guess what? He's boring as fuck and no one gives two shit about his opinions or thoughts. I just don't understand people that don't have passion for something.... Fuck dogs, jerk off horses, learn to crochet just do something. Without passion you are one brain eating away from being a fucking zombie.

Why I get wanderlust

A lot of people wonder why I like to bounce around so much and see what else is out there, and as a matter of fact that's why I'm plotting on moving again when this lease is up. I can remember it so vividly it was like it was yesterday standing in the ocean in Santa Cruz California I had one of the most wonderfully perfect epiphanies of my life. I noticed that when you're standing in the ocean, if you fight the waves, they will knock you down, every time. But if you loosen up, and move with them a bit, you can easily stay standing. I think life works the same way. "Maybe this year will be better than the last. I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself. To hold on to these moments as they pass. And its one more day up in the canyon. And its one more night in Hollywood. Its been so long since Ive seen the ocean...I guess I should"

Why I love/hate my job Thursday edition

So just to impress my bosses and because I'm a glutton for punishment, and because they didn't really trust anyone else to do it safely/ dumb enough to dig a trench around 120 volt power lines I ended up doing it/supervising it today at work. As it was getting done I gave my shovel and attempted to convince the assistant supervisor to finish so I could take a break and still know it would get finished, he replies with "I spent my time on a shovel its time for you young'ens to earn your stripes". I took it all in looked at the sixty some odd feet of ditch over three feet three deep through clay and rock and replied with "spent your time on the end of shovel huh? Just like that, leaning on it I bet" to which he replies through lots of chuckling "Jay your a dick". Guilty as charged. On a semi unrelated note it just boggles my mind that kids my age up to forty don't know how to pour concrete, use an electric line finder, lay drainage line, basic carpentry, using a chainsaw, bare basic small engine repairs, and a whole other assortment of shit that I have had to show people on the course. There is a whole generation of pussy's (my generation unfortunately) that has no idea how to be a man much less a handyman. It just disgusts me that I have to be lumped in with all these mouth breathers.

It's a great day.

Got out of work early because of the weather(even with leaving early I still have enough hours for over time this pay period), going to Sprint to pick up a new phone, job interview at 4 30, got another interview for Lowes whenever they call call back, tattoos at five. Oh yeah and I worked a shit load so I got a giant wad of cash on my desk. Fuck yeah. Weekend off + loot+ beer= happiness.

big fish in a small pond

It's so hard being in a place where I don't know anyone or who I do know I typically don't wanna hang out with. It's weird, foreign but kind of nice to go from a whale in a puddle to a minnow in the ocean. I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here and it don't matter. Just a randon thought on a random night. Happy drinko de mayo! Hooray for a big ass check coming friday. Goodbye check thank you supplements, bar, and silver bullet. You will be missed.

"I have taken my blows, I'm still standing"

Thanks to a random conversation with Mrs. downstairs after I was done working out I realized something kind of important. I realized what she claims is my source of manliness is actually why I think people are drawn to me and want to be my friend. I've had a rough kind of fucked up life thus far no doubt, but I've come through the other side battered, bruised, but not broken. There is no more satisfying a feeling then realizing that if you could take anything from your first 23 years back that you wouldn't change it for the world because all the bullshit has turned me into who I am and I'm finally able to say I'm proud of myself. I am the phoenix from the ashes. (P.S there is a reason why your at least my part time friend fair weather.)

Reason number 1003 why I love my job

Today after lunch while I was getting ready to go fix someone else's fuck up (apparently my MO from last year has stuck) Me and both my bosses somehow got on the topic of growing up and what it means to be a man. The gist of it was when your young when you screw up you always try and blame it on something greater then yourself, but the day that you just start owning up to shit saying "yes it was my fault, I fucked up, now let me fix this" is what makes you a man. And this my friends is what makes it worth waking up at five a.m. every day to go to work. Because my bosses are the shit and we all have mutual respect for each other and have awesome random conversations.

my theme song to life

Crazy Town
Change lyrics

Now in these cynical times
Sterotypical minds
Got me falling from my pinnacle the minute I climb
Now these subliminal thoughts got individuals blind
I'm trying to look beyond the lies
Just to see what I'll find
I'm like a flower in a cave
Another hour in the maze
And I'll cower to the power of my criminal ways
The sun is shining but I'm catching minimal rays
It's time for me to grow out of this childish phase
My life is like a battle that I'll probably never win
'cause I keep thinking big and risking everything
Life's a challenge and I wonder if I'll ever find the balance
Mixed emotions and confusion topped off with many talents

Chorus:
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever change
Can I change
Would I change
Or am I always gonna be the same
I blame the world for making me such a freak
But the world wants to blame it on me
(my life is twisted)

My finger's pointing in the mirror
I'm the one now
I see my shadow in the sun dial
Am I really out of change
Put my freedom in a cage
Slow down
Man I got a son now
There's nothing new thay all said it
And I know it but I had to go throught it myself
I'm hard-headed
That's the only way I'll learn
Get caught in the fire ther's no escaping the burn
And it burns
Change this
Change that
Change is full of lies
I remain the same cat wear a good disquise
Living life loking through my third blind crooked eye
So if I change I'd be changing for the worst wouldn't i?

Chorus:
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever change
Can I change
Would I change
Or am I always gonna be the same
I blame the world for making me such a freak
But the world wants to blame it on me
(my life is twisted)

I wanna run but if I run I'm only running form myself
Would it be easier if I were someone else
I'm like a child playin' with matches that's never beeen burned
Relearning all the lessons that I've already learned
On a highway to a destinatin I've earned
So many exits, but I've never bothered to turn
I'm like a piece of shard glass laying on a frame of a window
That was broken by the bricks of pain
Sometimes I feel just like the devil's guinea pig
He's watching me just to see how deep I can dig
I admit I'm fucked up and got a lot to learn
So now I'm dancing in the ashes of the bridge I've burned

Chorus:
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever change
Can I change
Would I change
Or am I always gonna be the same
I blame the world for making me such a freak
But the world wants to blame it on me
(my life is twisted)

The meaning of the lyrics Sound of Silence

Answer

"The Sound of Silence" was first released on Simon and Garfunkel's initial album, "Wednesday Morning, 3 AM." The album sold only two thousand copies. After watching their album sink, Simon and Garfunkel parted ways. However this was not the end of their career together. Without their knowledge, Simon and Garfunkel's recording company had Bob Johnson rework the song with electric guitar, bass, and drums. With these changes, the song became an instant hit and soon climbed to the top of the charts. Simon and Garfunkel rejoined and quickly became one of, if not the, greatest duos of all time. But behind the song's beautiful melodies and enjoyable rhythm is a deep message within the lyrics that has been interpreted in many different ways. I have read and heard many people's opinions. Some of them are a little abstract and others seem believable. One fellow said it was merely about a man dreaming of neon lights revealing numerous people bowing to him as if he were a god. Another stated it was a song regarding the lack of communication between people. These interpretations may or may not be correct; however I have a different perception of "The Sound of Silence."

I personally believe this song portrays a vision or dream that Paul Simon had. The lines, "Because a vision softly creeping,/Left its seeds while I was sleeping" lead me to believe that he had a dream. Yet perhaps it is highly possible he never had a dream or vision or anything of the sort but merely used this image to get a point across. Yet the message of this song lies in the contents of his dream.

Paul Simon seeks to convey a message of how ignorance taints the minds of so many people. "Silence" refers to submission. He reveals how people so foolishly follow rulers without actually knowing a ruler's true intentions and background. "People hearing without listening" reveals a people's willingness to take heed to the commands spoken by a leader without fully realizing the consequences of this obedience.

Simon, or whomever is having this dream, tries to warn these conformists in the lines that read "'Fools' said I, "You do not know/ Silence like a cancer grows/ Hear my words that I might teach you,/ Take my arms that I might reach you."" But his warning is swallowed in the abyss of submission: "But my words like silent raindrops fell,/And echoed/In the wells of silence."

This song may refer to a particular nation or people, but most likely it refers to people in general who submit themselves too freely. The song continues to describe the people's capitulation in several lines, most notably in the words, "And the people bowed and prayed/To the neon god they made." The song's meaning is for the listener to decide and there are many different ideas; however, I personally have always believed that it pertains to a people's readiness to support a leader without fully realizing the possible outcomes

An alternative interpretation is one of the neon sign in the dream being the Television medium personified (or deity-fied[sic]). This would explain the 'people talking without speaking' and 'hearing without listening' lyrics - as one who is observing people watching television as an unnatural phenomenon would have a hard time reconciling the observed conversation without any active participation by the viewer. Also the 'writing songs..' lyric is not as form fitting here but it is somewhat foreign in the song itself and may be a songwriter's (in this case Simon's) translation for a message especially an original one which will never be entertained by the T.V.'s captive audience. Also, the neon glow from the 'sign' goes on to further parallel the light properties of the T.V. supporting this comparison

Finally the 'words of the prophet are written on the subway walls and tenement halls.." This is a bit more deductive. There is a train of thought that a "prophet is not recognized in his own house", which is another issue on itself, but I think this lyric implies that the true prophets are living in Subways and Tenements There is also a hint of the 'read the writing on the wall' saying which is generally a call to face reality, which either way you view the lyric the "neon god" defers truth and possibly power to the words on the walls and halls. Graffiti-esque literature is what you indeed find on those specific walls and halls. Ironically or not those without a 'voice' in society are the ones who use this dissemination of information for self expression, i.e. "crack is wack" murals. I interpret this then to mean look to the people with no voice (or 'silenced'?) to hear the truth/prophecy. As we recall the dreamer or Simon was him/herself one of those people without a voice silenced by the crowd.

So I think that a holistic universal meaning to the song is one that we are searching for (truth, guidance) and it is already right under our noses. We walk by the truth (on subway walls and tenement halls) everyday and take no note but rather we construct elaborate gods and complicated idols to interpret a reality we are, by definition, already in tune with. The title of the song itself seems to me to reflect that paradox.

I am aware Simon in an NPR interview has admitted there was no profoundly deep meaning to the lyrics when he wrote them. He said he was possibly expressing teenage angst and frustration as to how they are largely ignored by society, however, my interpretation I think is one to give clarity to the stream of consciousness with analogous symbols (where I didn't ramble too much) and largely holds true to that theme.

Ugh

In celebration of getting called out by (name not that important) I have decided that tonight's dinner is going to be some steak and Corona's and for desert a giant shot of tequila finished with a giant dip and happily looking at my brand new membership to the NRA while I sit here and scratch away at my hairy ass. All the while admiring my calloused hands and beard. Don't try and call me out for being a metro asshole. Thats like calling out Elton John out for being a poon slayer. Now, off to get drunk and bask in my man funk consisting of beer, cigs, dip, dirt, sweat, blood and blister juice.

the two most played songs on my mp3 player at the moment.

beck lost cause

Your sorry eyes; they cut through bone
They make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming they see you go
They know your secrets and you know theirs
This town is crazy; nobody cares

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

There's a place where you are going
You ain't never been before
No one left to watch your back now
No one standing at your door
That's what you thought love was for

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

the gay fish song from south park

(Uh. Come on.)
I’ve been so lonely, girl
I’ve been so sad and down
Couldn’t understand
Why haters joked around
I wanted to be free
with other creatures like me
And now I got my wish

‘Cuz I know that I’m a gay fish

(Gay fish, yo)
Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (it’s alright, girl)
Makin’ love to other gay fish

All those lonely nights
At the grocery store
In the frozen fish aisle
Feeling like a whore
‘Cuz I wasn’t being true
Even though everyone said
That I had to make a switch (gay fish)

Now I know that I’m a gay fish

(Gay fish, yo)
Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

I used to be scared, denying who I was
Actin’ straight, but then goin’ out to the gay fish clubs
Dancin’ with the marlins, makin’ out with all the snappers
I’d take a salmon home and work that caudal fin for hours
But now I’m out and I’m free to love what I want
Be it yellowfin or bass or that trout in Vermont
I slap that marlin ass, make that grouper butt shake
I’ll come to your house and have an orgy in your mother fucking fish tank

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

I really get around
I’m a slut of the sea
When I say I got crabs
I mean it literally
I was eating dinner
And just had to go down
On that mackerel on the dish

‘Cus I’m the gayest of the gay fish

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)

But I got to settle down
I can’t be a whore
I ain’t gonna just sleep
With any fish no more
Found me a lover
A brother who’s a cross-dressing pike named Trish

And together we are gay fish

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

WTF?

I got called a pretty boy at work. Apparently my new vigor for manscaping is being noticed? I guess it's better then the other day when I was referred to as "el blanca diablo" translating out to "the white devil". I guess if you combine the two it means im an asshole with a short temper that is getting too meticulous with his grooming? Whatever if I could I would grow out a sweet fucking grizzly adams beard but alas I cant grow out a moustache that doesnt look like it belongs on a prepubscent mexican boy. Tiredness bordering on delirium going from god knows when I actually fall asleep till five a.m. sharp is taking its toll. I think im gonna try and get a second job and a meth habit and when the the meth starts costing more then the second job figure out another way, I need money.

"I can't save you, I cant even save myself" Check and mate.

Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself Lyrics


I know your life is empty
And you hate to face this world alone
So you're searching for an angel
Someone who can make you whole
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
I am just as fucked as you
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me

My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
And if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone
I think I'd rather be alone

You can not save me
You can't even save yourself
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
Save yourself
So just save yourself

Todays forecast dickish with a chance of drunk

While at work earlier I kept thinking about what my high school basketball coach would yell at me roughly once every other day "Jay! What the fuck are you doing? Why do you only play to the level of your competition?" Of course I turned into a dick about it, how dare he talk to me like that, but alas it's only taken 7 years or so to understand why he was so pissed at me(holy fuck I'm gonna be 24 in like 3 months.)

I hate when the apt manager kills with kindness(read from bottom to top)

Hi Jay,

I can assure you that the new ownership and management here at ONE is working diligently to address many of the concerns that you have. The gate system is scheduled to be replaced and upgraded this spring. Due to the weather conditions as of late we are still waiting to get some of the pot holes filled and are just as anxious for it as you are. If you have had any trouble with the maintenance staff please let us know, they are usually able to handle all maintenance requests in a very timely manner.

We believe that switching the utility billing from Conservice to in-house billing was a positive move for residents and we did send out notices and bills last month to all of the residents.

Since I have been here many residents have asked for more community events and that is one of the greatest reasons for throwing the Lincoln Block Party. Rest assured that I have worked hard to find sponsors to keep costs low so that more money can be used for improvements on the property. If there are any additional concerns that you have or if you would like to discuss anything further please let me know. Resident satisfaction is very important to us and I would enjoy the opportunity to sit down with you and find out ways that we could improve. Please feel free to call me anytime on my cell phone at 217-304-2059.

Thank You,

Jeff

Jeff Scott

Marketing Manager

Urbana, IL 61801

one-Illinois.com

217-689-0455

one North

1601 N. Lincoln Ave.

one South

1321 N. Lincoln Ave.

---

From: jay novak [mailto:jrnovak@live.com]
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 1:34 PM
To: jeff@one-illinois.com
Subject: RE: Lincoln Block Party April 16, 5-8pm

So just to be sure that we are on the same page here. Security has been cut, the pools temperature has gone down, the gate still isn't fixed because it would cost too much, theres a giant pot hole on the round about, the maintainence guys are slow, but you are wasting money to bring in shitty mtv celebutrash? I'm glad to see that I get threatened with an eviction notice over forty dollars and fifty two cents but you're willing to waste exhorbanant amounts of money on shit no ones wants/cares/needs.

---

From: jeff@one-illinois.com
To: jrnovak@live.com
Subject: Lincoln Block Party April 16, 5-8pm
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2009 11:43:03 -0500

Dear Jason,

ONE is throwing the hottest event in Urbana, The Lincoln Block Party! Come on out to ONE North & ONE South to party with MTV Real Worlders Jenn, Landon and Syrus On April 16 at 5:00. They will be judging this year’s swimsuit competition! Men and women will compete to win hundreds of dollars in gift cards at the ONE North indoor pool, sign up at www.lincolnblockparty.com. Not only can you win hundreds of dollars in gift cards in the swimsuit contest, but you can win $1000 just for showing up!

Mark your calendar for The Lincoln Block Party on April 16 at ONE! Show up at 5:00 pm to win $1,000, compete in the swimsuit competition, and party with MTV Real Worlders! With a live DJ, FREE barbecue and hundreds of dollars in prizes this is one event you cannot afford to miss! Don’t forget to forward this e-mail to your friends!

We look forward to seeing you on April 16!

Jeff Scott

Marketing Manager

ONE

217-337-7500

jamey johnson high cost of living

I was just a normal guy
Life was just a nine to five
With bills and pressure
Piled up to the sky
She never asked
She knew I’d be
Hangin’ with my wilder friends
Looking for some other way to fly

And three days straight was no big feat
Could get by with no food or sleep
And crazy was becoming my new norm

I’d pass out on the bedroom floor
And sleep right through the calm before the storm

My life was just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
I couldn’t even tell I was alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

That southern Baptist parking lot
Is where I’d go to smoke my pot
Sit there in my pickup truck and pray
Staring at that giant cross
Just reminded me that I was lost
And it just never seemed to point the way

As soon as Jesus turned his back
I find my way across the track
Lookin’ just to score . . . another deal
With my back against that damn eight ball
I didn’t have to think or talk . . . or feel

My life was just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
I couldn’t even tell I was alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

My whole life went through my head
Layin’ in that motel bed
Watchin’ as the cops kicked in the door

I had a job and a piece of land
My sweet wife was my best friend
But I traded that for cocaine and a whore

With my new found sobriety
I’ve got the time to sit and think
Of all the things I had . . . and threw away

This prison is much colder than
That one that I was locked up in just yesterday

My life is just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
Hell I can’t even tell if I’m alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

This past weekend was enough to make me realize that crawling into my hermit hole of solitude only works when people decide not to push through the barrier and distance that I've tried to put up. I miss hanging out with my two very first roommates from when i was 17. Nothing like reminiscing about coming home from school and finding one of my room mates passed out cold with a trail of wadded up paper toweling and glade cans leading to his passed out ass. Or people getting pissed off that if my dog wanted to sit at the kitchen table with us while we drank that meant that anyone not living there had to give up a seat to a mutt. I miss mystery stew, seeing massive beeramids of old mil cans stacked up getting ready to get returned to the store for more, one of my all time favorite memories is bless nicks soul but the one time the lazy motherfucker decides to clean the place he wiped off the footprints that were on the ceiling from doing keg stands so we hoisted little Luke upside down and made him walk on the ceiling to even it out. I miss botched jello shots that had too much booze to set so we ended up drinking it anyways even if it tasted like cough syrup that was poured out of a boot.

overcooked macaroni is going to be what makes me take a falling down style exit off of this planet

I've just been fucking dog tired lately, much like the rest of my life i quit paying attention for five minutes and my macaroni has gone to shit, fuck ameren in the A the least they could've done was contact ME and tell me they like working in the rain as much as I do, upon finding out I'm going back to hell thursday through sunday I've decided that putting my liver through a training camp that would make ricky hatton proud was the best course of action, I'm so tired of people assuming they know how I'm gonna react to shit, I'm tired of getting compared to my dad, and fuck random run on sentences. And im done.

pain diversion coming from a man i worship

I won't highlight shit. Theres no need. Look read. Do it again with some self awareness.


The question:

What kills your sense of trust is when you let someone into your life far enough that you believe that they do indeed have your best interests in mind, and then they turn around and fuck your asshole raw with your own kindness, goodwill and good intentions. That's what makes a man bitter and mean.


My answer:
You know how to protect against this:

See people for who they are, not who you want them to be. See a relationship for what it is, not what you want it to be.

This is a very difficult skill to learn, but until you learn this, you will probably never find someone who you are able to have a good relationship with.

When you are with someone, you need to make conscious evaluations of who they are, how they act in relation to you, what they are like, how they treat you, what you are looking for, etc. You need to be precise and almost harsh about how you evaluate them, and be honest, at the very least with yourself, and see them exactly as they are. Literally ask yourself: Where is this relationship going, and where do I want it to go? What does this person think of me and how does this compare to what I want from the relationship? Things like that.

Stupid people say that love is blind. Those people get used.

Smart people realize that love, on a basic level, is a calculation. They have good relationships.

This DOES NOT mean that attraction is a mathematical calculation or something like that. Far from it. But you must measure and understand your RELATIONSHIP to someone, and make the calculations about that upfront and conscious, instead of subconscious.

Join Date: Aug 2004

Location: Los Angeles

Posts: 16,611

Validation Points: 2370

---

Follow-up question:
I agree with everything you said, and differ to your expertise in the "game". That being said, the last part about what does this person think of me, how do you determine what another thinks of you? Is there some way to realize this? I ask this in all seriousness, because if you can point this out. It would spare a lot of people the whole hindsight is 20/20 thing. The rest of this, is pure gold and people had better be taking notes.


My answer:
Absolutely.

There are two time-tested and very effective ways to judge how a person feels about you:

1. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior: What people have done in the past is probably how they will act in the future. Not always, and be careful, because guys especially do mature, but maturation is different than a wholesale personality shift. No one changes substantially over s short period of time. Personality maturation is a glacial process.

2. Actions are the true windows into the soul: Pay attention to how people treat you, and not just in the beginning, fun, chase part of the relationship. If a guy treats you like shit, DO NOT be surprised when he fucks your friend. If a girl doesn't return you calls, DO NOT be surprised when she fucks someother guy. People are how they act; watch them and learn who they truly are.

People--it really is this simple. Not everyone is like me and will tell you they are a jerk and show you a website with proof, but if you just stop and objectively and critically look at them, you can find the same information.

Another follow-up:
This is the smartest thing you've ever written, but I think it's the hardest thing ever to actually do. This is why you will have a wonderful and happy relationship someday when you want to and most people will keep putting themselves in the same relationship over and over with different people. I've never learned how to let go of someone that I love, even if the relationship was not making me happy. It's too painful. Do you think this is a girl thing or just an insecurity thing or both?


My answer:
People cannot let love go, even when it's bad, for many reasons. I don't even know if I can list them because I don't know them all. But here are the three main ones:

-Security: This is especially true with women. A relationship and love, even if it sucks, is often seen as better than nothing at all. This is an extraordinarily strong reason, and many people will continue in a relationship long after it's over, simply because of inertia and security.

-Pain aversion: Most people will avoid pain now, even at the cost of increased pain later. It takes intelligence, discipline and maturity to take a hit now to avoid a harder one later.

-Fear of the unknown: People fear the unknown and fear being alone. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know, and people are often unsure if they can do better or if they will ever have that sort of thing again, so they cling to it.

Originally Posted by graffin226

I love her to death, but I always have the fear in the back of my head that she's gonna do the same to me. Is this justified? Is there any way to overcome said fear? Any other advice?

Is it justified? Well what the fuck do you think?

You have one of two options: You can either believe that you are so amazing and that the two of you are such great soulmates that nothing could keep you apart, not even her being in a relationship when you met...or you can open your fucking eyes and realize that you are dating a cheating whore who lied to her ex and fucked around on him behind his back, and will almost certainly do the same thing to you.

People are who they are. I can tell you for a fact that she is a cheating whore. How do I know this? LOOK AT WHAT SHE JUST DID.

I will never understand why men fall in love with whores. I just don't get it. I like whores for what they are: cum dumpsters. If you are going to fall in love, first find someone worthy of being loved.

It's not even the fact that she liked you more than him; it happens sometimes that people fall in love with someone else when they are in a relationship. But she should have just got out before she started fucking you. Breaking up is very easy, but it takes a special kind of whore to cheat, especially for TWO MONTHS.

Think about it dude--this girl was fucking two guys at once, and telling both that she loved them. What does that sound like to you? The fact that she was fucking multiple guys at once is not even the issue at all, its that she LIED to her self-proclaimed boyfriend, and took your sperm home to him. I defy anyone to label her anything except a cheating whore.

You can believe anything you want about her, but I'll tell you what my grandfather told me when I was 4 or 5 and pouting about something that I thought was unfair:

"Whether you believe in gravity or not, when you fall, you hit the ground the same way everyone else does."

I know I am standing on the shoulders of giants I really do. But holy fuck look, listen and get this. Please for the love of god?

And if my aunt had a dick she'd be my uncle

I hate days like this. I'm really starting to think I very may well have the worst case of seasonal affective disorder to go along with everything else. I'm getting jewed out of my raise, my optional insurance, and god know what else thanks to the economy. So where exactly is my ambition to go back to work for 12 on 2 off you ask? There is absolutely none other then to scrimp and squirrel and save to get the fuck going again in August. Yeah fuck this next Friday I'm hopping on amazon and getting some cramp ons and a new climbing belt. I will really try to do tree service again here so I have a marketable skill thats still fresh on my applications. I'm so tired of having a specialized skill and being a bitch about it because I dont want to do it anymore. Well you know what? Fuck it I'm the best at it it pays good and barring storms I at least get weekends off. So much to say and not enough ambition to say it. I start a side job tommorow where I am getting paid fourteen an hour doing guess what? Tree service. The moneys good the hours aren't too shabby and give me ten years i swear to god I will have figured out how to finance a truck, chipper, stump grinder, and a lift. Thats it I'm fucking just going balls out with this. This is my most realistic option at getting to where I want to be so its time to quit being a pussy quit talking about it and just do it. This will be my big fuck you to everyone that tells me that "your so smart why are you wasting it." Time and money time and money baby.

Disarm you with a smile And leave you like they left me here To wither in denial The bitterness of one who's left alone

Instead of bitching about my wrongs of the past week whether real or perceived I've decided to throw out a few quotes and see if anyone decodes them instead

"Every one's two different people. We all have elastic codes, adjustable moral compasses and our dirty, instinctual vices. The surface is just a veneer, masking a conflicted core. At any given moment, composed as we might appear, we're all just a half fifth of whiskey, a few nitrous balloons and a congenitally weak bladder from finding ourselves..." philalawyer

"Its about chopping off somebody's arms.. The reason I wrote Disarm was because, I didn't have the guts to kill my parents, so I thought I'd get back at them through song. And rather then have an angry, angry, angry violent song I'd thought I'd write something beautiful and make them realize what tender feelings I have in my heart, and make them feel really bad for treating me like shit. Disarm's hard to talk about because people will say to me 'I listen to that song and I can't figure out what it's about.' It's like about things that are beyond words. I think you can conjure up images and put together phrases, but it's a feeling beyond words and for me it has a lot to do with like a sense of loss. Being an adult and looking back and romanticizing a childhood that never happened or went by so quickly in a naive state that you miss it." Billy Corrigan lead singer of the smashing pumpkins

"When we are green, still half-created, we believe that our dreams are rights, that the world is disposed to act in our best interests, and that falling and dying are for quitters. We live on the innocent and monstrous assurance that we alone, of all the people ever born, have a special arrangement whereby we will be allowed to stay green forever"
This Boy's Life
Tobias Wolff

Lt. Green: [about Bobby Mercer] It's been a long time since anybody's seen that face around here.
Detective Fowler: Must've gotten off for good behavior.
Lt. Green: Not likely. That's Bobby Mercer. Heavyweight champion fuck-up of the family. And that's a well defended title. Would've made his daddy proud, if he'd ever had one. I used to know him a little. Played hockey with the boy. Got thrown outta 60 odd games before the league had finally had enough of him. They called him the Michigan Mauler. Four brothers

"Juliet the dice were loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded in my heart
And I forget the movie song
When you wanna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet ?

Come up on differents streets they both were streets of shame
Both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and your dream is real
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals ? " dire straits romeo and juliet

"Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apart

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way" blessed union of souls i believe

above the below and below the upper

I don't know why everyone is trying to be an emo pussy about my life now. just think of me as life's little exigent circumstances. Wanna rub my vag better now? Theres no turning back now, not in 18 beers not in a million. I really hope you like where sleeping dogs lie blah blah blah. It was a big game till you you got my son involved and theres no amount of booze, anger, wanting to beat you that will ever take that away. So I guess congrats on your rapid descent into i wish i would've fucked you and moved on whoredom, enjoy you your ranking you don't even deserve better. Seriously give or take about a hundred thousand blow jobs and kissing deke after a million tooth brushings but beyond that apologizing to deke face to face I guess this is how it ends. "Haha fucker you got me" Yeah you got me.