The question:
What kills your sense of trust is when you let someone into your life far enough that you believe that they do indeed have your best interests in mind, and then they turn around and fuck your asshole raw with your own kindness, goodwill and good intentions. That's what makes a man bitter and mean.
My answer:
You know how to protect against this:
See people for who they are, not who you want them to be. See a relationship for what it is, not what you want it to be.
This is a very difficult skill to learn, but until you learn this, you will probably never find someone who you are able to have a good relationship with.
When you are with someone, you need to make conscious evaluations of who they are, how they act in relation to you, what they are like, how they treat you, what you are looking for, etc. You need to be precise and almost harsh about how you evaluate them, and be honest, at the very least with yourself, and see them exactly as they are. Literally ask yourself: Where is this relationship going, and where do I want it to go? What does this person think of me and how does this compare to what I want from the relationship? Things like that.
Stupid people say that love is blind. Those people get used.
Smart people realize that love, on a basic level, is a calculation. They have good relationships.
This DOES NOT mean that attraction is a mathematical calculation or something like that. Far from it. But you must measure and understand your RELATIONSHIP to someone, and make the calculations about that upfront and conscious, instead of subconscious.
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Los Angeles
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Follow-up question:
I agree with everything you said, and differ to your expertise in the "game". That being said, the last part about what does this person think of me, how do you determine what another thinks of you? Is there some way to realize this? I ask this in all seriousness, because if you can point this out. It would spare a lot of people the whole hindsight is 20/20 thing. The rest of this, is pure gold and people had better be taking notes.
My answer:
Absolutely.
There are two time-tested and very effective ways to judge how a person feels about you:
1. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior: What people have done in the past is probably how they will act in the future. Not always, and be careful, because guys especially do mature, but maturation is different than a wholesale personality shift. No one changes substantially over s short period of time. Personality maturation is a glacial process.
2. Actions are the true windows into the soul: Pay attention to how people treat you, and not just in the beginning, fun, chase part of the relationship. If a guy treats you like shit, DO NOT be surprised when he fucks your friend. If a girl doesn't return you calls, DO NOT be surprised when she fucks someother guy. People are how they act; watch them and learn who they truly are.
People--it really is this simple. Not everyone is like me and will tell you they are a jerk and show you a website with proof, but if you just stop and objectively and critically look at them, you can find the same information.
Another follow-up:
This is the smartest thing you've ever written, but I think it's the hardest thing ever to actually do. This is why you will have a wonderful and happy relationship someday when you want to and most people will keep putting themselves in the same relationship over and over with different people. I've never learned how to let go of someone that I love, even if the relationship was not making me happy. It's too painful. Do you think this is a girl thing or just an insecurity thing or both?
My answer:
People cannot let love go, even when it's bad, for many reasons. I don't even know if I can list them because I don't know them all. But here are the three main ones:
-Security: This is especially true with women. A relationship and love, even if it sucks, is often seen as better than nothing at all. This is an extraordinarily strong reason, and many people will continue in a relationship long after it's over, simply because of inertia and security.
-Pain aversion: Most people will avoid pain now, even at the cost of increased pain later. It takes intelligence, discipline and maturity to take a hit now to avoid a harder one later.
-Fear of the unknown: People fear the unknown and fear being alone. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know, and people are often unsure if they can do better or if they will ever have that sort of thing again, so they cling to it.
You have one of two options: You can either believe that you are so amazing and that the two of you are such great soulmates that nothing could keep you apart, not even her being in a relationship when you met...or you can open your fucking eyes and realize that you are dating a cheating whore who lied to her ex and fucked around on him behind his back, and will almost certainly do the same thing to you.
People are who they are. I can tell you for a fact that she is a cheating whore. How do I know this? LOOK AT WHAT SHE JUST DID.
I will never understand why men fall in love with whores. I just don't get it. I like whores for what they are: cum dumpsters. If you are going to fall in love, first find someone worthy of being loved.
It's not even the fact that she liked you more than him; it happens sometimes that people fall in love with someone else when they are in a relationship. But she should have just got out before she started fucking you. Breaking up is very easy, but it takes a special kind of whore to cheat, especially for TWO MONTHS.
Think about it dude--this girl was fucking two guys at once, and telling both that she loved them. What does that sound like to you? The fact that she was fucking multiple guys at once is not even the issue at all, its that she LIED to her self-proclaimed boyfriend, and took your sperm home to him. I defy anyone to label her anything except a cheating whore.
You can believe anything you want about her, but I'll tell you what my grandfather told me when I was 4 or 5 and pouting about something that I thought was unfair:
"Whether you believe in gravity or not, when you fall, you hit the ground the same way everyone else does."
I know I am standing on the shoulders of giants I really do. But holy fuck look, listen and get this. Please for the love of god?
I agree with everything you said, and differ to your expertise in the "game". That being said, the last part about what does this person think of me, how do you determine what another thinks of you? Is there some way to realize this? I ask this in all seriousness, because if you can point this out. It would spare a lot of people the whole hindsight is 20/20 thing. The rest of this, is pure gold and people had better be taking notes.
My answer:
Absolutely.
There are two time-tested and very effective ways to judge how a person feels about you:
1. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior: What people have done in the past is probably how they will act in the future. Not always, and be careful, because guys especially do mature, but maturation is different than a wholesale personality shift. No one changes substantially over s short period of time. Personality maturation is a glacial process.
2. Actions are the true windows into the soul: Pay attention to how people treat you, and not just in the beginning, fun, chase part of the relationship. If a guy treats you like shit, DO NOT be surprised when he fucks your friend. If a girl doesn't return you calls, DO NOT be surprised when she fucks someother guy. People are how they act; watch them and learn who they truly are.
People--it really is this simple. Not everyone is like me and will tell you they are a jerk and show you a website with proof, but if you just stop and objectively and critically look at them, you can find the same information.
Another follow-up:
This is the smartest thing you've ever written, but I think it's the hardest thing ever to actually do. This is why you will have a wonderful and happy relationship someday when you want to and most people will keep putting themselves in the same relationship over and over with different people. I've never learned how to let go of someone that I love, even if the relationship was not making me happy. It's too painful. Do you think this is a girl thing or just an insecurity thing or both?
My answer:
People cannot let love go, even when it's bad, for many reasons. I don't even know if I can list them because I don't know them all. But here are the three main ones:
-Security: This is especially true with women. A relationship and love, even if it sucks, is often seen as better than nothing at all. This is an extraordinarily strong reason, and many people will continue in a relationship long after it's over, simply because of inertia and security.
-Pain aversion: Most people will avoid pain now, even at the cost of increased pain later. It takes intelligence, discipline and maturity to take a hit now to avoid a harder one later.
-Fear of the unknown: People fear the unknown and fear being alone. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know, and people are often unsure if they can do better or if they will ever have that sort of thing again, so they cling to it.
Originally Posted by graffin226
I love her to death, but I always have the fear in the back of my head that she's gonna do the same to me. Is this justified? Is there any way to overcome said fear? Any other advice?
Is it justified? Well what the fuck do you think?You have one of two options: You can either believe that you are so amazing and that the two of you are such great soulmates that nothing could keep you apart, not even her being in a relationship when you met...or you can open your fucking eyes and realize that you are dating a cheating whore who lied to her ex and fucked around on him behind his back, and will almost certainly do the same thing to you.
People are who they are. I can tell you for a fact that she is a cheating whore. How do I know this? LOOK AT WHAT SHE JUST DID.
I will never understand why men fall in love with whores. I just don't get it. I like whores for what they are: cum dumpsters. If you are going to fall in love, first find someone worthy of being loved.
It's not even the fact that she liked you more than him; it happens sometimes that people fall in love with someone else when they are in a relationship. But she should have just got out before she started fucking you. Breaking up is very easy, but it takes a special kind of whore to cheat, especially for TWO MONTHS.
Think about it dude--this girl was fucking two guys at once, and telling both that she loved them. What does that sound like to you? The fact that she was fucking multiple guys at once is not even the issue at all, its that she LIED to her self-proclaimed boyfriend, and took your sperm home to him. I defy anyone to label her anything except a cheating whore.
You can believe anything you want about her, but I'll tell you what my grandfather told me when I was 4 or 5 and pouting about something that I thought was unfair:
"Whether you believe in gravity or not, when you fall, you hit the ground the same way everyone else does."
I know I am standing on the shoulders of giants I really do. But holy fuck look, listen and get this. Please for the love of god?
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