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Saturday, January 31, 2009

Change this, change that, change is full of lies, so I'll remain the same cat, just wear a good disguise

I know a lot of people disagree with me on most things, I accept and embrace the challenge of getting people to see my view even if they don't agree with it. But there is a change happening in my life, there is some kind of static electricity off in the distance, growing, changing, raging and as it gets closer to me and away from the horizon I feel no fear no unsteadiness just anticipation. I'm not sure what the storm on the horizon is about it could be a family crisis happening, it could be me finally having enough of this shithole and shipping elsewhere. Feeling a million different emotions don't mean shit when the two that are your motivators are apathy and indifference.

Sometimes im kinda immature

So what if your a dirty whore and started fucking my "friend" who i let stay on my couch when he was running from the law cuz hes a scum bag and likes to steal shit. I guess the only real thing I got to say about it anymore is how often do you get to ask B rabbit "So how exactly does my dick taste?" In a losing battle of a lost cause sometimes all you can do is laugh take it in stride and hit an easy target.

Friday, January 30, 2009


Sometimes the best emotion is nothing at all. Apathy and indifference have become a big part of my life again and its not neccessarily bad anymore. Sometimes you gotta realize that you just can't save everyone and to be blunt not all people are worth saving even. Don't get me wrong I would give the shirt off my back to someone that NEEDED it but, to hear about more of my old friends getting caught up in speed and booze back home just kind of makes me sick. That place is fucking purgatory there is nothing more than a vast whiteness with no beginning and no end. Until you escape it you most likely are going to die there with some form of a substance abuse habit. Shit even if you leave and the evil power that radiates from that place pulls you back and least you can die a proud junkie knowing that at least you tried to fight your way out of it. Sometimes eminem just sums it up best
To all the weed that I've smoked,
Yo this blunt's for you.
To all the people I've offended,
Yeah fuck you too.
To all the friends I use to have,
I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass.
For all the drugs that I've done,
Yo I'm still gonna do.
To all the people I've offended,
Ya fuck you too.
Every time I reminisce,
Yo I miss my past.
But I still don't give a fuck,
Y'all can kiss my ass!

still fighting the good fight

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that they're white? I bet you just lay in bed at night knowing that you would've been the next big rap star if only you weren't melanin challenged. Seriously since when is it cool to try and act like something your not? You don't see me running around in black face talkin bout reppin my hood, dog. Do you? Know why? A long list of reasons why but the main one being I accept and fuck even embrace my whiteness. If I run around and make horns with my fingers and poke you does that make me a bull? No it makes me a jackass. Take note wigger no matter how much you think you can relate with biggie you grew up in a white as fuck rural town. The fake ghetto accent is like a wonderful boones farm wine it's only getting better with age(and by getting better means I die on the inside a little when I have to claim being the same race while simultaneously laughing.)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

You like to see homo's naked?

So I'm journeying up the great white shithole again next week. Every time I go I try and hype myself up telling myself that its gonna be fun this time. Unfortunately my son is the best allegory of this as soon as I think its tolerable bam 18 month fist to the dick. Don't get me wrong I love my son more then life itself but sometimes you just gotta see the writing on the wall when your getting pet and hes got a big shit eating grin hes just getting ready to wind up and hit you in the skin chandeliers. I guess what I'm getting at is that everything's well and good but deep down your expecting a toddler to punch you in your coin purse?


I am at a loss for words yes indeed it rubs the lotion on the skin. Why has no one heard of these guys that are at least funny yet britney spears still pollutes my ears whenever that vapid whore isn't in rehab?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Whos life is this?

I just realized that when I was a child and thought that girls had a secret fraternity (sorority?) that I might not have been that far off from the truth. Why is it every time A girl says that she hates sucking dick you always end up getting a blow job that would put a porn star to shame? I'm on to you fuckers, I don't like giving head has officially become my second favorite sentence right behind I would never sleep with you.

Monday, January 26, 2009

tough guy image equals shot

I know I kind of look like an intimidating guy, I'm tall, shaved head, goatee, literally covered in tattoos and generally give a dont fuck with me vibe but I'm 99.9 % sure the neighbor is no longer intimidated and here's a list why. 1. listening to son of of son of a sailor. 3 and this is key make sure that she will be loved is not right after son of a son of a sailor. (Maybe I'm not nearly as hardcore and manly as I thought.)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

A break from myself

You ever have one of those moments where you know exactly whats going to happen if you don't tread lightly? It's somewhere between intuition and learned knowledge from past experience. Yeah I had me one of those last night. After getting blown off I finally meet up with my date around One a.m. As luck would have it I wanted no excuses no bullshit and the fateful words just kind of came out and didn't stop. I'm overanalyzing as usual so I'm done for the night. Pretty much go to the two minute mark (where J.D.'s penis threatens to kill him) in this video and it summed up my night.

Friday, January 23, 2009

I am not dead

I will be making my triumphant return all the way soon. Right now my life is just kind of chaotic. I have me a date tomorrow night, my computer is fucked for the moment so I am on my roommates, my ex is still crazy as ever and trying to weasel her way back into my life, and my son is finally gonna come hang out with dad for a couple of weeks.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

And now you know and knowing is half the battle according to G. I. Joe

If you get really drunk and eat an entire two pound box of shrimp scampii you will have such bad diarrea from the mix that you WILL walk around gingerly the next day from the dreaded over wiping. (How I am not horribly obese I will never know, when prompted I can litterally put down like 7000 calories or so in a day no problem.)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Moustache, I envy you

I know the ADD is kicking in but I have to wonder AM I the only 23 male on fucking earth that can't grow out a stache? Seriously. What the fuck? Every time I try I end up looking like a pedophile or a pubescent mexican boy. I have enough testosterone for 3 guys yet when I try and prove my manliness once and for all i get is a moloustache? Fucking bullshit.


I have so much bullshit and stress in my life at the moment that I am going to do what Jason does in these types of situations. I am going to get fucking wasted. I don't mean have a couple of drinks and relax, oh no I mean like laying on the floor hurling insults while giggling and bitching that the fast food is gone. I think I've earned it, and well quite frankly if you disagree I could give a rats ass less. Go go gadget mexican night bring on the tequila sunrise's, taco bell, and hot sauce oh my. Better stock up on toilet paper and tylenol todays gonna be a long one bitches.

Monday, January 12, 2009


I just realized I am a unique character I'm what would happen if quaqmire, the "cool uncle" in your family, tommy lee and a rhodes scholar had an orgy baby. So if you need someone to entertain you my services are now on the table. Need someone pissed off? Need a self esteem boost? Drinking buddy? Confidante? Need someone to argue why John Wayne Gacy is the coolest person to come out of Illinois? Need an arch nemesis? I can do all this and much more.( Fees negotiable, coors lights would probably be sufficient)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I'm so fucking broke

I'm so broke right now I am going to donate plasma on Tueday. Anyone have any idea about the what the payment is cash or check? Anyways here hoping that donating plasma quickly turns into a sweet porn. Bow chicka bow bow

Friday, January 2, 2009

yeah I have too much free time, fuck you

There is so much awesomeness here that I dont even know where to start. It just makes me insanely jealous that every time I try and grow one out it just ends up a pussy, wispy, molestouche