Reason number 1003 why I love my job

Today after lunch while I was getting ready to go fix someone else's fuck up (apparently my MO from last year has stuck) Me and both my bosses somehow got on the topic of growing up and what it means to be a man. The gist of it was when your young when you screw up you always try and blame it on something greater then yourself, but the day that you just start owning up to shit saying "yes it was my fault, I fucked up, now let me fix this" is what makes you a man. And this my friends is what makes it worth waking up at five a.m. every day to go to work. Because my bosses are the shit and we all have mutual respect for each other and have awesome random conversations.

my theme song to life

Crazy Town
Change lyrics

Now in these cynical times
Sterotypical minds
Got me falling from my pinnacle the minute I climb
Now these subliminal thoughts got individuals blind
I'm trying to look beyond the lies
Just to see what I'll find
I'm like a flower in a cave
Another hour in the maze
And I'll cower to the power of my criminal ways
The sun is shining but I'm catching minimal rays
It's time for me to grow out of this childish phase
My life is like a battle that I'll probably never win
'cause I keep thinking big and risking everything
Life's a challenge and I wonder if I'll ever find the balance
Mixed emotions and confusion topped off with many talents

Chorus:
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever change
Can I change
Would I change
Or am I always gonna be the same
I blame the world for making me such a freak
But the world wants to blame it on me
(my life is twisted)

My finger's pointing in the mirror
I'm the one now
I see my shadow in the sun dial
Am I really out of change
Put my freedom in a cage
Slow down
Man I got a son now
There's nothing new thay all said it
And I know it but I had to go throught it myself
I'm hard-headed
That's the only way I'll learn
Get caught in the fire ther's no escaping the burn
And it burns
Change this
Change that
Change is full of lies
I remain the same cat wear a good disquise
Living life loking through my third blind crooked eye
So if I change I'd be changing for the worst wouldn't i?

Chorus:
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever change
Can I change
Would I change
Or am I always gonna be the same
I blame the world for making me such a freak
But the world wants to blame it on me
(my life is twisted)

I wanna run but if I run I'm only running form myself
Would it be easier if I were someone else
I'm like a child playin' with matches that's never beeen burned
Relearning all the lessons that I've already learned
On a highway to a destinatin I've earned
So many exits, but I've never bothered to turn
I'm like a piece of shard glass laying on a frame of a window
That was broken by the bricks of pain
Sometimes I feel just like the devil's guinea pig
He's watching me just to see how deep I can dig
I admit I'm fucked up and got a lot to learn
So now I'm dancing in the ashes of the bridge I've burned

Chorus:
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever change
Can I change
Would I change
Or am I always gonna be the same
I blame the world for making me such a freak
But the world wants to blame it on me
(my life is twisted)

The meaning of the lyrics Sound of Silence

Answer

"The Sound of Silence" was first released on Simon and Garfunkel's initial album, "Wednesday Morning, 3 AM." The album sold only two thousand copies. After watching their album sink, Simon and Garfunkel parted ways. However this was not the end of their career together. Without their knowledge, Simon and Garfunkel's recording company had Bob Johnson rework the song with electric guitar, bass, and drums. With these changes, the song became an instant hit and soon climbed to the top of the charts. Simon and Garfunkel rejoined and quickly became one of, if not the, greatest duos of all time. But behind the song's beautiful melodies and enjoyable rhythm is a deep message within the lyrics that has been interpreted in many different ways. I have read and heard many people's opinions. Some of them are a little abstract and others seem believable. One fellow said it was merely about a man dreaming of neon lights revealing numerous people bowing to him as if he were a god. Another stated it was a song regarding the lack of communication between people. These interpretations may or may not be correct; however I have a different perception of "The Sound of Silence."

I personally believe this song portrays a vision or dream that Paul Simon had. The lines, "Because a vision softly creeping,/Left its seeds while I was sleeping" lead me to believe that he had a dream. Yet perhaps it is highly possible he never had a dream or vision or anything of the sort but merely used this image to get a point across. Yet the message of this song lies in the contents of his dream.

Paul Simon seeks to convey a message of how ignorance taints the minds of so many people. "Silence" refers to submission. He reveals how people so foolishly follow rulers without actually knowing a ruler's true intentions and background. "People hearing without listening" reveals a people's willingness to take heed to the commands spoken by a leader without fully realizing the consequences of this obedience.

Simon, or whomever is having this dream, tries to warn these conformists in the lines that read "'Fools' said I, "You do not know/ Silence like a cancer grows/ Hear my words that I might teach you,/ Take my arms that I might reach you."" But his warning is swallowed in the abyss of submission: "But my words like silent raindrops fell,/And echoed/In the wells of silence."

This song may refer to a particular nation or people, but most likely it refers to people in general who submit themselves too freely. The song continues to describe the people's capitulation in several lines, most notably in the words, "And the people bowed and prayed/To the neon god they made." The song's meaning is for the listener to decide and there are many different ideas; however, I personally have always believed that it pertains to a people's readiness to support a leader without fully realizing the possible outcomes

An alternative interpretation is one of the neon sign in the dream being the Television medium personified (or deity-fied[sic]). This would explain the 'people talking without speaking' and 'hearing without listening' lyrics - as one who is observing people watching television as an unnatural phenomenon would have a hard time reconciling the observed conversation without any active participation by the viewer. Also the 'writing songs..' lyric is not as form fitting here but it is somewhat foreign in the song itself and may be a songwriter's (in this case Simon's) translation for a message especially an original one which will never be entertained by the T.V.'s captive audience. Also, the neon glow from the 'sign' goes on to further parallel the light properties of the T.V. supporting this comparison

Finally the 'words of the prophet are written on the subway walls and tenement halls.." This is a bit more deductive. There is a train of thought that a "prophet is not recognized in his own house", which is another issue on itself, but I think this lyric implies that the true prophets are living in Subways and Tenements There is also a hint of the 'read the writing on the wall' saying which is generally a call to face reality, which either way you view the lyric the "neon god" defers truth and possibly power to the words on the walls and halls. Graffiti-esque literature is what you indeed find on those specific walls and halls. Ironically or not those without a 'voice' in society are the ones who use this dissemination of information for self expression, i.e. "crack is wack" murals. I interpret this then to mean look to the people with no voice (or 'silenced'?) to hear the truth/prophecy. As we recall the dreamer or Simon was him/herself one of those people without a voice silenced by the crowd.

So I think that a holistic universal meaning to the song is one that we are searching for (truth, guidance) and it is already right under our noses. We walk by the truth (on subway walls and tenement halls) everyday and take no note but rather we construct elaborate gods and complicated idols to interpret a reality we are, by definition, already in tune with. The title of the song itself seems to me to reflect that paradox.

I am aware Simon in an NPR interview has admitted there was no profoundly deep meaning to the lyrics when he wrote them. He said he was possibly expressing teenage angst and frustration as to how they are largely ignored by society, however, my interpretation I think is one to give clarity to the stream of consciousness with analogous symbols (where I didn't ramble too much) and largely holds true to that theme.

Ugh

In celebration of getting called out by (name not that important) I have decided that tonight's dinner is going to be some steak and Corona's and for desert a giant shot of tequila finished with a giant dip and happily looking at my brand new membership to the NRA while I sit here and scratch away at my hairy ass. All the while admiring my calloused hands and beard. Don't try and call me out for being a metro asshole. Thats like calling out Elton John out for being a poon slayer. Now, off to get drunk and bask in my man funk consisting of beer, cigs, dip, dirt, sweat, blood and blister juice.

the two most played songs on my mp3 player at the moment.

beck lost cause

Your sorry eyes; they cut through bone
They make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming they see you go
They know your secrets and you know theirs
This town is crazy; nobody cares

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

There's a place where you are going
You ain't never been before
No one left to watch your back now
No one standing at your door
That's what you thought love was for

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

the gay fish song from south park

(Uh. Come on.)
I’ve been so lonely, girl
I’ve been so sad and down
Couldn’t understand
Why haters joked around
I wanted to be free
with other creatures like me
And now I got my wish

‘Cuz I know that I’m a gay fish

(Gay fish, yo)
Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (it’s alright, girl)
Makin’ love to other gay fish

All those lonely nights
At the grocery store
In the frozen fish aisle
Feeling like a whore
‘Cuz I wasn’t being true
Even though everyone said
That I had to make a switch (gay fish)

Now I know that I’m a gay fish

(Gay fish, yo)
Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

I used to be scared, denying who I was
Actin’ straight, but then goin’ out to the gay fish clubs
Dancin’ with the marlins, makin’ out with all the snappers
I’d take a salmon home and work that caudal fin for hours
But now I’m out and I’m free to love what I want
Be it yellowfin or bass or that trout in Vermont
I slap that marlin ass, make that grouper butt shake
I’ll come to your house and have an orgy in your mother fucking fish tank

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

I really get around
I’m a slut of the sea
When I say I got crabs
I mean it literally
I was eating dinner
And just had to go down
On that mackerel on the dish

‘Cus I’m the gayest of the gay fish

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)

But I got to settle down
I can’t be a whore
I ain’t gonna just sleep
With any fish no more
Found me a lover
A brother who’s a cross-dressing pike named Trish

And together we are gay fish

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

WTF?

I got called a pretty boy at work. Apparently my new vigor for manscaping is being noticed? I guess it's better then the other day when I was referred to as "el blanca diablo" translating out to "the white devil". I guess if you combine the two it means im an asshole with a short temper that is getting too meticulous with his grooming? Whatever if I could I would grow out a sweet fucking grizzly adams beard but alas I cant grow out a moustache that doesnt look like it belongs on a prepubscent mexican boy. Tiredness bordering on delirium going from god knows when I actually fall asleep till five a.m. sharp is taking its toll. I think im gonna try and get a second job and a meth habit and when the the meth starts costing more then the second job figure out another way, I need money.

"I can't save you, I cant even save myself" Check and mate.

Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself Lyrics


I know your life is empty
And you hate to face this world alone
So you're searching for an angel
Someone who can make you whole
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
I am just as fucked as you
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me

My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
And if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone
I think I'd rather be alone

You can not save me
You can't even save yourself
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
Save yourself
So just save yourself

Todays forecast dickish with a chance of drunk

While at work earlier I kept thinking about what my high school basketball coach would yell at me roughly once every other day "Jay! What the fuck are you doing? Why do you only play to the level of your competition?" Of course I turned into a dick about it, how dare he talk to me like that, but alas it's only taken 7 years or so to understand why he was so pissed at me(holy fuck I'm gonna be 24 in like 3 months.)

I hate when the apt manager kills with kindness(read from bottom to top)

Hi Jay,

I can assure you that the new ownership and management here at ONE is working diligently to address many of the concerns that you have. The gate system is scheduled to be replaced and upgraded this spring. Due to the weather conditions as of late we are still waiting to get some of the pot holes filled and are just as anxious for it as you are. If you have had any trouble with the maintenance staff please let us know, they are usually able to handle all maintenance requests in a very timely manner.

We believe that switching the utility billing from Conservice to in-house billing was a positive move for residents and we did send out notices and bills last month to all of the residents.

Since I have been here many residents have asked for more community events and that is one of the greatest reasons for throwing the Lincoln Block Party. Rest assured that I have worked hard to find sponsors to keep costs low so that more money can be used for improvements on the property. If there are any additional concerns that you have or if you would like to discuss anything further please let me know. Resident satisfaction is very important to us and I would enjoy the opportunity to sit down with you and find out ways that we could improve. Please feel free to call me anytime on my cell phone at 217-304-2059.

Thank You,

Jeff

Jeff Scott

Marketing Manager

Urbana, IL 61801

one-Illinois.com

217-689-0455

one North

1601 N. Lincoln Ave.

one South

1321 N. Lincoln Ave.

---

From: jay novak [mailto:jrnovak@live.com]
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 1:34 PM
To: jeff@one-illinois.com
Subject: RE: Lincoln Block Party April 16, 5-8pm

So just to be sure that we are on the same page here. Security has been cut, the pools temperature has gone down, the gate still isn't fixed because it would cost too much, theres a giant pot hole on the round about, the maintainence guys are slow, but you are wasting money to bring in shitty mtv celebutrash? I'm glad to see that I get threatened with an eviction notice over forty dollars and fifty two cents but you're willing to waste exhorbanant amounts of money on shit no ones wants/cares/needs.

---

From: jeff@one-illinois.com
To: jrnovak@live.com
Subject: Lincoln Block Party April 16, 5-8pm
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2009 11:43:03 -0500

Dear Jason,

ONE is throwing the hottest event in Urbana, The Lincoln Block Party! Come on out to ONE North & ONE South to party with MTV Real Worlders Jenn, Landon and Syrus On April 16 at 5:00. They will be judging this year’s swimsuit competition! Men and women will compete to win hundreds of dollars in gift cards at the ONE North indoor pool, sign up at www.lincolnblockparty.com. Not only can you win hundreds of dollars in gift cards in the swimsuit contest, but you can win $1000 just for showing up!

Mark your calendar for The Lincoln Block Party on April 16 at ONE! Show up at 5:00 pm to win $1,000, compete in the swimsuit competition, and party with MTV Real Worlders! With a live DJ, FREE barbecue and hundreds of dollars in prizes this is one event you cannot afford to miss! Don’t forget to forward this e-mail to your friends!

We look forward to seeing you on April 16!

Jeff Scott

Marketing Manager

ONE

217-337-7500

jamey johnson high cost of living

I was just a normal guy
Life was just a nine to five
With bills and pressure
Piled up to the sky
She never asked
She knew I’d be
Hangin’ with my wilder friends
Looking for some other way to fly

And three days straight was no big feat
Could get by with no food or sleep
And crazy was becoming my new norm

I’d pass out on the bedroom floor
And sleep right through the calm before the storm

My life was just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
I couldn’t even tell I was alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

That southern Baptist parking lot
Is where I’d go to smoke my pot
Sit there in my pickup truck and pray
Staring at that giant cross
Just reminded me that I was lost
And it just never seemed to point the way

As soon as Jesus turned his back
I find my way across the track
Lookin’ just to score . . . another deal
With my back against that damn eight ball
I didn’t have to think or talk . . . or feel

My life was just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
I couldn’t even tell I was alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

My whole life went through my head
Layin’ in that motel bed
Watchin’ as the cops kicked in the door

I had a job and a piece of land
My sweet wife was my best friend
But I traded that for cocaine and a whore

With my new found sobriety
I’ve got the time to sit and think
Of all the things I had . . . and threw away

This prison is much colder than
That one that I was locked up in just yesterday

My life is just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
Hell I can’t even tell if I’m alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

This past weekend was enough to make me realize that crawling into my hermit hole of solitude only works when people decide not to push through the barrier and distance that I've tried to put up. I miss hanging out with my two very first roommates from when i was 17. Nothing like reminiscing about coming home from school and finding one of my room mates passed out cold with a trail of wadded up paper toweling and glade cans leading to his passed out ass. Or people getting pissed off that if my dog wanted to sit at the kitchen table with us while we drank that meant that anyone not living there had to give up a seat to a mutt. I miss mystery stew, seeing massive beeramids of old mil cans stacked up getting ready to get returned to the store for more, one of my all time favorite memories is bless nicks soul but the one time the lazy motherfucker decides to clean the place he wiped off the footprints that were on the ceiling from doing keg stands so we hoisted little Luke upside down and made him walk on the ceiling to even it out. I miss botched jello shots that had too much booze to set so we ended up drinking it anyways even if it tasted like cough syrup that was poured out of a boot.