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Sunday, June 28, 2009

Todays lesson brought to you by the letter A

I'm tired of people assuming shit about me because of my personal appearance, my demeanor, my attitude, etc. Yes thats right guy that knows the irrigation system at work. I picked up half your knowledge base in two season there. You've been there since when? 89? I don't look like the reading type? You do look like the creepy fifty something guy that lives with his mom and talks incessantly about caving and cars. Hey look Jay 1, Alan 0. Asshole.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Goonies never say die!

As me and one of my bosses were discussing if everyone would be cool with coming in at 5 every day instead of 6 to try and beat the heat (it was overwhelmingly agreed that its a good idea) we had this little exchange in the middle of it. "So Jay did you and Wayne give up on bunkers for the day or what?" "Goonies never say die!" "Did your mom drink alot when she was pregnant?" Pause for us laughing. "That's what I love about summer, you can drink as much beer as you want and you sweat it all out by 10 and you feel good as new." "Yeah I drank a lot of NewCastle last night and I've been chucking butt mud all day because of it." So in summation I challenge everyone to try and put those sentences back to back. "Goonies never say die!" and "Yeah I drank a lot of NewCastle last night and I've been chucking butt mud all day because of it."

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I am quite possibly retarded

I love working outside and I'm one of the hardest working smart ass motherfuckers the golf course has ever seen. I love the fact that even though I'm an "adult" and "responsible with power tools" it still amuses me that people trust me enough with tools that I could easily "trip" and "disembowel assholes I don't like" and have said these things verbatim to my bosses that they think I'm joking and still allow me to go out and do whatever. I love my second job, more smart ass comments and it's only the people from work that actually WORK and that the arborist likes. It's pretty much the golf course version 2.0 with more money which is awesome because when most of your money goes to cigarettes, dip(none of that poor people Griz shit for me) or rent more money is better. Obviously. The third job at the pet store that I start Sunday morning (after getting off work from the golf course which I will get some time off one of these months I swear) is kind of iffy. I might be a lot of things but I'm really not sure if customer service is going to be my forte. Oh I see your bringing back a dead fish, well that's fucking awesome throw that in the trash and I'll get you a new one. I can see it all ready. I will keep this updated on my (mis)adventures of trying to deal with people on a day to day basis. Somehow I can see my alcohol consumption going up exponentially having to deal with people.

Saturday, June 13, 2009


Even though not everything in my house would make a sweet beer bong I will be picking up a pink flamingo when I get the chance. Who doesn't need the "FLABONGO?"

I'm not a doctor but all the signs seem to be there

I realized today that I've accidentally became an adult. Here is just a short list of the dirty symptoms that have been plaguing me.

I don't get high anymore and go to the gas station for dinner.

"those fucking kids" are actually 18 year old adults.

The phrase "when I was a kid" has actually entered my vocabulary.

Beer is no longer whats for breakfast.

I've gotten so used to waking up at 4:30 for work that I no longer need an alarm clock. I set it just in case.

Not every random object in my apartment would totally make a sweet bong or beer bong.

People actually come to me for advice. And I give them sincere insight instead of random funny gibberish.

Reading for a bit and then going to bed seems like an acceptable alternative to going out.

When being around 18-21 year olds isn't fun; they're obnoxious, retarded know-it-alls. I wouldn't go back to being 18 for a million dollars.

I stopped dealing with unstable people just for great sex.

Having sex with a 15 year old is no longer my weekly goal, it's now creepy and illegal.

When there's a piece of shit just aching to get into a fight with me, and I realize that I'm too damn old to get arrested for fighting so I just brush it off and move on.

I hear younger kids referring to songs I listened to as "classics".

The mindset of sleeping with as many girls as possible distinctly faded away and I find myself longing to be with someone who can put up with me on a daily basis, if you're lucky you have found that person.

Motherfucker I feel old. Now get those damned kids off my lawn.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

I've started this post a million times for a week straight and yet every time it doesn't come out right and I just get flustered and close it. Its weird finally having everything going right. I love my jobs, I love working all the time even if it means trying to go from four thirty in the morning till nine or ten at night. It gives me focus and a burning passion to want to do better even if it has killed the little bit of social life I had down here. The biggest problem I have now is I don't really have a passion or a hobby. Living in shit hole one north for two more months means not worth the hassle of getting a dog nor the free time to even properly care for it. Going a whole year without having a dog as a companion is killing me. There is something about unwavering loyalty and pure excitement every time you walk in the door of them acting they weren't sure if you were coming back that I need in my life.