And now you know and knowing is half the battle according to G. I. Joe

If you get really drunk and eat an entire two pound box of shrimp scampii you will have such bad diarrea from the mix that you WILL walk around gingerly the next day from the dreaded over wiping. (How I am not horribly obese I will never know, when prompted I can litterally put down like 7000 calories or so in a day no problem.)

Moustache, I envy you

I know the ADD is kicking in but I have to wonder AM I the only 23 male on fucking earth that can't grow out a stache? Seriously. What the fuck? Every time I try I end up looking like a pedophile or a pubescent mexican boy. I have enough testosterone for 3 guys yet when I try and prove my manliness once and for all i get is a moloustache? Fucking bullshit.

hooray

I have so much bullshit and stress in my life at the moment that I am going to do what Jason does in these types of situations. I am going to get fucking wasted. I don't mean have a couple of drinks and relax, oh no I mean like laying on the floor hurling insults while giggling and bitching that the fast food is gone. I think I've earned it, and well quite frankly if you disagree I could give a rats ass less. Go go gadget mexican night bring on the tequila sunrise's, taco bell, and hot sauce oh my. Better stock up on toilet paper and tylenol todays gonna be a long one bitches.

Whoring

I just realized I am a unique character I'm what would happen if quaqmire, the "cool uncle" in your family, tommy lee and a rhodes scholar had an orgy baby. So if you need someone to entertain you my services are now on the table. Need someone pissed off? Need a self esteem boost? Drinking buddy? Confidante? Need someone to argue why John Wayne Gacy is the coolest person to come out of Illinois? Need an arch nemesis? I can do all this and much more.( Fees negotiable, coors lights would probably be sufficient)

I'm so fucking broke

I'm so broke right now I am going to donate plasma on Tueday. Anyone have any idea about the what the payment is cash or check? Anyways here hoping that donating plasma quickly turns into a sweet porn. Bow chicka bow bow

yeah I have too much free time, fuck you

There is so much awesomeness here that I dont even know where to start. It just makes me insanely jealous that every time I try and grow one out it just ends up a pussy, wispy, molestouche
http://americanmustacheinstitute.org/

amauters night

Fuck going out seriously, I'm not opposed to getting drunk and having a good time, I'm really not. What I am opposed to is trying to swim through the sea of douche that includes but is not limited to the following popped collar bros, soroistutes, the I'm totally wasted after a shot of apple pucker guys, etc. Whatever me, my coors light, south park, and a sweet chunk of grilled salmon have a date I'm out.

Whatever illegal wetback that stole my social security number to wash dishes in chicago, your an asshole and fucking up my unemployment. I bet the reason you didn't full on steal my identity is because your retarded amd are just using my number either that or my credit was shot before hand and you cant really get anything with it anyways. My delusional self likes to think its A and not B.

attention jason is not a wigger

So Jason was randomly perusing the internet and came across a tupac quote of all that Jason had completely forgot about (nigga) anyways. “We wouldn't ask why a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals, in turn, we would all celebrate its tenacity, we would all love its will to reach the sun, well, we are the roses, this is the concrete and these are my damaged petals, dont ask me why, thank god, and ask me how”

well....

Since it's after midnight and Jason is going to see if he can narrate his life in the 3rd person for an entire 24 period. Now don't get the wrong idea Jason knows exactly how annoying this is going to be for all the people around him, what you have to remember is Jason is kind an asshole and the more it annoys people the more it is just going to make the dick do it more. Jason's gonna let everyone know tomorrow night how his great plans turn out.