I want her so bad. I'm so completely head over heels for her and its amazing. I always said I'd never get married but girl got my head twisted thinking that maybe having a big goofy mixed family wouldn't be half bad. I can't wait to get back to work, back to money, be with her and get my divorce finalized. It's a long over due process. Molly whines about disrespect which I can understand to a point but where was the respect for blatantly lieing to my face for over half a fucking year? Oh your butt hurt? Boo hoo. At least I don't have to hide behind lies for my actions and its a nice feeling to have.

IT's super bowl sunday and I'm pleasantly inebrieated which is a nice change. Thats all for now lots more posting when my internet returns weds. God bless all who read this for the moment.

Damn

It's almost Christmas and I am not broke angry and irritated like I figured I would be. I work often enough to keep change in my pocket and to have fun when it's called for. It's weird I find myself thinking about the past alot lately and the moer I think I about it there was only one mistake I've really made since I moved home. Instead of assuming that she knew how I felt about her instead of telling her daily just what she meant to me. Oh well I guess I will get my chance soon enough to say all the things that nag away at me at night wondering what if and just maybe. Soon. Soon.

Ear shot, wait lyrics

Something's wrong,
Trying to conquer these fears i thoghut were gone.
And it's been so long, I'm dying to live in a world i dont belong

I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone..

On my own,
I'll show myself what it means to be alone.
And the tears i cry are washed away.
All the scars are my disguise.

I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
Im forever alone..

I'm forever alone.
I'm forever alone.
I'm forever alone.

I, I'm not waiting here this time.

I can't wait for someone to hear me.
And wait for someone to touch me
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me
And wait for someone to heal me
And wait forever to be told
I'm forever alone.

There is something so unsettling about being woken up by a naked toddler hitting you with a fly swatter. Oh, and also I wistfully look back on the days when I could go and take a shit with out having a two year helper pointing at my dick going bird! Bird! and trying to get me toilet paper.

I hate y'all

I feel so distant, so isolated, so different. It sounds so cliche but I feel like me and all my friends from up here are on just two completely different wave lengths. My goals, hopes, ambitions, drive are all completely different from every ones up here. I know time changes everything and "you can never go home again" but damn. I think today is as good of a day as any to go find out about the he man woman haters club. Fuck a factory job maybe when work is slow I'll just log? Fuck you you don't know how to be a friend. It was fun but your 18 and we are light years apart in what we want and your moms nuts. Fuck you you bitch and moan that no one is there to be your friend when YOU need one yet you don't reciprocate that. Should I become as fucked up as your family so you think you need to rescue me again? I'm going to start a harem of bitches, one can never have too many dishwashers slash food cookers handy. My son thinks hes a cat now and likes to dig holes on the beach, shit in them and cover them with sand? Bad whiskers!?!. I'm overly tired didn't get done what I wanted to today. And I hope you all die from cancer that eats you from your very core to the one thing most of you fucks don't have.... A soul.

Who I am

I think it's a testament to who I am as a person that by far the closest friend I've made in my year and some change in the dirty smelly fucking vile cornfields is trailer trash. Yeah he may not be the smartest man and he may have been married 7 times but.......... Hes one of the few people that I've come across that is genuinely nice. I'm talking literally give you the shirt off your back and money out of his wallet nice. Me and him bond over dogs, country music, beer, jack and coke, ex wives, hunting, fishing, camping. Pretty much things that make my world go round. In other words there are two reasons why I'm gonna miss this place. Real diverse restaurants and my hetero life mate.

Real update coming soon I promise. Just let me not work like a field nigger for one day and it'll be here. I have shit tons on my mind but the words won't come out right when I'm exhausted.

Some time around midnight.....

Sometime Around Midnight the Airborne Toxic Event Lyrics

And it starts..
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that's when
You lose yourself
For a minute or two

As you stand...
Under the barlights
And the band plays some song
About forgetting yourself for a while
And the piano's this melancholy soundcheck
To her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
You haven't seen her
For a while

But you know...
That she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
She's holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
She walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume
You can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...
In your emotions
And all of these memories come rushing
Like feral waves to your mind
Of the curl of your bodies
Like two perfect circles entwined
And you feel hopeless, and homeless
And lost in the haze
Of the wine

And she leaves...
With someone you don't know
But she makes sure you saw her
She looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling
Your stomach in ropes
And when your friends say what is it
You look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...
Under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice
That everyone is staring at you
And you so care what you look like
The world is falling
Around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

And you know that she'll break you
In two

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fuckin' depressed
I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position I'm in
I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow
But I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
Copy
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that...
I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need fucking man servin'
Tryin to follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like that
Ahh Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands with doubt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tungue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you where?
I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone... sOoOoo
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through OoOo
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you sOoOoo Oo Oo

Yea... To my babies. Stay strong. Daddy will be soon
And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes
That fit you, so put em on and wear em
And be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful