Hey you, give me my life back

Odd, tumultuous, shaky, hostile. These are the words that best describe every relationship I have with a VAG at the moment. I love how for the past few years it seems I've been every girl I dated little fix it project. Now all the sudden holy shit he's matured? Can hide the chip on his shoulder? Is compassionate? What the fuck happened? Here's the kicker nothing at all has changed. Not one iota, unless you count hair starting to pop up in odd(er) spots. I didn't mature. Maturing is for fucking mutual funds not this manimal. The only difference between now and then is I became now say it with me kids. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-awareness. Learn it love it use it . There is no Morocco, there is no me coming back to the UP, there is no more wondering "what if". Like I said the other night the biggest fuck you I can possibly give to an ex is to show how awesome of a person I became in the mean time and it was your loss not mine.

Hello? Can you hear me? Am I getting through to you?

I never understood why girls always got pissed off at me for living in my head. Even if the logic is skewed it's led me to where am I which is where I am supposed to be(I think.)

Pocket full of dreams

So when I was sitting at the local mental health center yesterday I had a hot girl sitting there blatantly eye fucking me which was great for my self esteem, I really enjoy it when a hot girl sits there and eyes me up like a piece of meat. But, there is always a but, and this one is kind of a biggie think about where I was at when this happened. God knows I have a hard enough time to maintain a healthy relationship all on my own so lets just start trying to pick up other crazies at a MENTAL HEALTH CENTER. As funny of a story as it might have been sometimes a passing thought about it is the right way to go. Trying to pick up chicks at a mental health clinic is one small step above going to hang out at an incest survivor groups with a pocket full of rubbers.

But Jay, your the mechanically inclined one

That is such a fuckin cop out the only reason that statement holds any weight is much like everything else about my life. I do things to occupy my time and to amuse me nothing more, it's why I read books constantly, jack off, watch movies, watch cnn, creep around people blogs. Jesus, everything is done with one of two thoughts in mind. Making myself more well rounded, it makes other people want to learn more about the world around them because they got showed up by some "uneducated" person. The other one is quite simply just to show that there is a good reason why you see me swaying heavily from time to time that chip sits on my shoulder with good reason......

To hell and back, ramblings of an indignant egomanical prick

So its March all ready which means 4 more lease payments and the ongoing task of finding somewhere that I feel like I belong. I've started to realize that I make things way more difficult then they have to be so when I get back to the starting point I feel like I really accomplished something. The thought of just getting a map a blindfold and dart and just saying fuck it sound so appealing, last time I checked there is work for an overly intelligent asshole throughout the country. I can finally say with certainty that you can't run from yourself or your past but I'm just glad I got a head start on my shit bag cousins that try and bring me back into "the game". What part of I would love to but some shithead kid calls me dad is so hard to comprehend? Tired of rambling for the night. I go left, you go right, now leave me the fuck alone? Got it? Now do it.

Ingredients of an arrogant asshole

First add in part of Carl Jung
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

The 2nd ingredient is http://www.personalitypage.com/high-level.html

And for the record I'm an INJF otherwise known as a Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling aka weird emo pussy that trusts his judgements to a fault. Take this and let me know how it goes.

So I've been thinking about this a lot today and as far as I'm concerned there is a very fine line between growing up and regressing. Think of it this way whether what you are doing is wrong or right, good or bad, forwards or back your taking from it, learning, processing. "The male doesn't age as we think. In fact, he doesn't age at all. He assimilates, placates and slows, accepts the reality around him and plays what he's told to play. But just a little bit deeper, a scratch below the mask, he's eighteen-to-thirty forever, and every now and again, in the right combination of circumstances, with the right mix of triggers or enticements, that selfish, single minded monkey will break out and escape the cage." Thanks to http://www.philalawyer.net/ for the quote.

"killing lonliness" by him

Memories, sharp as daggers
Pierce into the flesh of today
Suicide of love took away all that matters
And buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart

With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you
I'm killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb
I'm killing loneliness

Nailed to the cross, together
As solitude begs us to stay
Disappear in the lie forever
And denounce the power of death over our souls and secret words are said to start a war

With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you
I'm killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb
I'm killing loneliness

Killing loneliness

With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)
With the warmth of your arms you saved me

a different way......

I've decided that the best way to judge people is how animal react to you. It occurred to me on my nice leisurely walk up Lincoln ave. Earlier after I watched a squirrel just hanging out I got within two or three feet of it and he just kept sitting there, paying attention to me but not afraid. Not even a little bit. After that happened i realized that there are people that animals just dislike, fear, or hate. These people end up sucking 90 percent of the time so from here on out I'm just going to be the weird guy watching if animals scurry away in your presence, ignore you, or tentatively watch your every move.