So I moved again on my sons bday again. It's nice here. Hot but nice. I hate the heat but my family more than makes up for it. Job interview friday its nice to be in a real place again where work is easy. I'm too tired to post anything more right now.

Blah

My life is at a stand still here. I'm done with it all. Fuck it all. Everytime I expect anything out of people, hello dissapointment. I'm just so run down and my bipolars out of control and im sick of trying to deal with it all. Fuck child support, fuck baby mammas, fuck everyone. "What are friends, friends are people that you think are your friends but they're really your enemies with secret identities."

One break up and a few 12 packs later I'm coming home. It's funny looking over old posts and being like damn is my life on repeat? No matter what state I'm in the bullshit never stops. Looks like the next step is to one op bear grylls and go deepwoods on everyones ass. I'm tired of expecting anything from anyone all it does is end in amazing flash and style even for one of my breakups. Hello 2 day greyhound ride tommorow. Back to the fat tire and facebook. Oh what a wonderful life I live out here.

I want her so bad. I'm so completely head over heels for her and its amazing. I always said I'd never get married but girl got my head twisted thinking that maybe having a big goofy mixed family wouldn't be half bad. I can't wait to get back to work, back to money, be with her and get my divorce finalized. It's a long over due process. Molly whines about disrespect which I can understand to a point but where was the respect for blatantly lieing to my face for over half a fucking year? Oh your butt hurt? Boo hoo. At least I don't have to hide behind lies for my actions and its a nice feeling to have.

IT's super bowl sunday and I'm pleasantly inebrieated which is a nice change. Thats all for now lots more posting when my internet returns weds. God bless all who read this for the moment.

Damn

It's almost Christmas and I am not broke angry and irritated like I figured I would be. I work often enough to keep change in my pocket and to have fun when it's called for. It's weird I find myself thinking about the past alot lately and the moer I think I about it there was only one mistake I've really made since I moved home. Instead of assuming that she knew how I felt about her instead of telling her daily just what she meant to me. Oh well I guess I will get my chance soon enough to say all the things that nag away at me at night wondering what if and just maybe. Soon. Soon.

Ear shot, wait lyrics

Something's wrong,
Trying to conquer these fears i thoghut were gone.
And it's been so long, I'm dying to live in a world i dont belong

I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone..

On my own,
I'll show myself what it means to be alone.
And the tears i cry are washed away.
All the scars are my disguise.

I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
Im forever alone..

I'm forever alone.
I'm forever alone.
I'm forever alone.

I, I'm not waiting here this time.

I can't wait for someone to hear me.
And wait for someone to touch me
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me
And wait for someone to heal me
And wait forever to be told
I'm forever alone.

There is something so unsettling about being woken up by a naked toddler hitting you with a fly swatter. Oh, and also I wistfully look back on the days when I could go and take a shit with out having a two year helper pointing at my dick going bird! Bird! and trying to get me toilet paper.

I hate y'all

I feel so distant, so isolated, so different. It sounds so cliche but I feel like me and all my friends from up here are on just two completely different wave lengths. My goals, hopes, ambitions, drive are all completely different from every ones up here. I know time changes everything and "you can never go home again" but damn. I think today is as good of a day as any to go find out about the he man woman haters club. Fuck a factory job maybe when work is slow I'll just log? Fuck you you don't know how to be a friend. It was fun but your 18 and we are light years apart in what we want and your moms nuts. Fuck you you bitch and moan that no one is there to be your friend when YOU need one yet you don't reciprocate that. Should I become as fucked up as your family so you think you need to rescue me again? I'm going to start a harem of bitches, one can never have too many dishwashers slash food cookers handy. My son thinks hes a cat now and likes to dig holes on the beach, shit in them and cover them with sand? Bad whiskers!?!. I'm overly tired didn't get done what I wanted to today. And I hope you all die from cancer that eats you from your very core to the one thing most of you fucks don't have.... A soul.

Who I am

I think it's a testament to who I am as a person that by far the closest friend I've made in my year and some change in the dirty smelly fucking vile cornfields is trailer trash. Yeah he may not be the smartest man and he may have been married 7 times but.......... Hes one of the few people that I've come across that is genuinely nice. I'm talking literally give you the shirt off your back and money out of his wallet nice. Me and him bond over dogs, country music, beer, jack and coke, ex wives, hunting, fishing, camping. Pretty much things that make my world go round. In other words there are two reasons why I'm gonna miss this place. Real diverse restaurants and my hetero life mate.