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Thursday, March 12, 2009

A scratch below the mask

Everything used to come so easily for me, never had to wonder am I doing the right thing it just was what it was and it was AWESOME. Now every step forward, back (*2) I am always questioning my motives. Where is the gray area if you do the right thing for the wrong reasons? I'm tired of people expecting shit out of me, especially when its from people that know me well. Why exactly are you trying to set the bar for how I should act? Wheres that gotten you in the past? Failure? How much of this can really get chalked up to angst anymore? I made my life and for better or worse I have begun to settle for less and that is the scariest thought imaginable in my life. Blah blah random angry(ish) typing "Its perfectly fine to be real real pissed off about what has happened to you. I was real real pissed off at a lot of things that have happened to me. If you need to rant about it, go rant about it. Allow yourself to feel the emotion, let it pass, and then re-center yourself.

But do not do two things:

1. Think anyone else cares

2. Be obsessed with it to the point where it consumes you

I am not saying to bury your emotions. Feel them. But once you have felt them, let them go, and focus on the most important question, "What now?"

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