Ugh

In celebration of getting called out by (name not that important) I have decided that tonight's dinner is going to be some steak and Corona's and for desert a giant shot of tequila finished with a giant dip and happily looking at my brand new membership to the NRA while I sit here and scratch away at my hairy ass. All the while admiring my calloused hands and beard. Don't try and call me out for being a metro asshole. Thats like calling out Elton John out for being a poon slayer. Now, off to get drunk and bask in my man funk consisting of beer, cigs, dip, dirt, sweat, blood and blister juice.

the two most played songs on my mp3 player at the moment.

beck lost cause

Your sorry eyes; they cut through bone
They make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming they see you go
They know your secrets and you know theirs
This town is crazy; nobody cares

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

There's a place where you are going
You ain't never been before
No one left to watch your back now
No one standing at your door
That's what you thought love was for

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

the gay fish song from south park

(Uh. Come on.)
I’ve been so lonely, girl
I’ve been so sad and down
Couldn’t understand
Why haters joked around
I wanted to be free
with other creatures like me
And now I got my wish

‘Cuz I know that I’m a gay fish

(Gay fish, yo)
Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (it’s alright, girl)
Makin’ love to other gay fish

All those lonely nights
At the grocery store
In the frozen fish aisle
Feeling like a whore
‘Cuz I wasn’t being true
Even though everyone said
That I had to make a switch (gay fish)

Now I know that I’m a gay fish

(Gay fish, yo)
Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

I used to be scared, denying who I was
Actin’ straight, but then goin’ out to the gay fish clubs
Dancin’ with the marlins, makin’ out with all the snappers
I’d take a salmon home and work that caudal fin for hours
But now I’m out and I’m free to love what I want
Be it yellowfin or bass or that trout in Vermont
I slap that marlin ass, make that grouper butt shake
I’ll come to your house and have an orgy in your mother fucking fish tank

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

I really get around
I’m a slut of the sea
When I say I got crabs
I mean it literally
I was eating dinner
And just had to go down
On that mackerel on the dish

‘Cus I’m the gayest of the gay fish

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)

But I got to settle down
I can’t be a whore
I ain’t gonna just sleep
With any fish no more
Found me a lover
A brother who’s a cross-dressing pike named Trish

And together we are gay fish

Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
Girl I am a gay fish (Now where I belong, girl)
Making love to other gay fish

WTF?

I got called a pretty boy at work. Apparently my new vigor for manscaping is being noticed? I guess it's better then the other day when I was referred to as "el blanca diablo" translating out to "the white devil". I guess if you combine the two it means im an asshole with a short temper that is getting too meticulous with his grooming? Whatever if I could I would grow out a sweet fucking grizzly adams beard but alas I cant grow out a moustache that doesnt look like it belongs on a prepubscent mexican boy. Tiredness bordering on delirium going from god knows when I actually fall asleep till five a.m. sharp is taking its toll. I think im gonna try and get a second job and a meth habit and when the the meth starts costing more then the second job figure out another way, I need money.

"I can't save you, I cant even save myself" Check and mate.

Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself Lyrics


I know your life is empty
And you hate to face this world alone
So you're searching for an angel
Someone who can make you whole
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
I am just as fucked as you
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me

My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
And if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone
I think I'd rather be alone

You can not save me
You can't even save yourself
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
Save yourself
So just save yourself

Todays forecast dickish with a chance of drunk

While at work earlier I kept thinking about what my high school basketball coach would yell at me roughly once every other day "Jay! What the fuck are you doing? Why do you only play to the level of your competition?" Of course I turned into a dick about it, how dare he talk to me like that, but alas it's only taken 7 years or so to understand why he was so pissed at me(holy fuck I'm gonna be 24 in like 3 months.)

I hate when the apt manager kills with kindness(read from bottom to top)

Hi Jay,

I can assure you that the new ownership and management here at ONE is working diligently to address many of the concerns that you have. The gate system is scheduled to be replaced and upgraded this spring. Due to the weather conditions as of late we are still waiting to get some of the pot holes filled and are just as anxious for it as you are. If you have had any trouble with the maintenance staff please let us know, they are usually able to handle all maintenance requests in a very timely manner.

We believe that switching the utility billing from Conservice to in-house billing was a positive move for residents and we did send out notices and bills last month to all of the residents.

Since I have been here many residents have asked for more community events and that is one of the greatest reasons for throwing the Lincoln Block Party. Rest assured that I have worked hard to find sponsors to keep costs low so that more money can be used for improvements on the property. If there are any additional concerns that you have or if you would like to discuss anything further please let me know. Resident satisfaction is very important to us and I would enjoy the opportunity to sit down with you and find out ways that we could improve. Please feel free to call me anytime on my cell phone at 217-304-2059.

Thank You,

Jeff

Jeff Scott

Marketing Manager

Urbana, IL 61801

one-Illinois.com

217-689-0455

one North

1601 N. Lincoln Ave.

one South

1321 N. Lincoln Ave.

---

From: jay novak [mailto:jrnovak@live.com]
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 1:34 PM
To: jeff@one-illinois.com
Subject: RE: Lincoln Block Party April 16, 5-8pm

So just to be sure that we are on the same page here. Security has been cut, the pools temperature has gone down, the gate still isn't fixed because it would cost too much, theres a giant pot hole on the round about, the maintainence guys are slow, but you are wasting money to bring in shitty mtv celebutrash? I'm glad to see that I get threatened with an eviction notice over forty dollars and fifty two cents but you're willing to waste exhorbanant amounts of money on shit no ones wants/cares/needs.

---

From: jeff@one-illinois.com
To: jrnovak@live.com
Subject: Lincoln Block Party April 16, 5-8pm
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2009 11:43:03 -0500

Dear Jason,

ONE is throwing the hottest event in Urbana, The Lincoln Block Party! Come on out to ONE North & ONE South to party with MTV Real Worlders Jenn, Landon and Syrus On April 16 at 5:00. They will be judging this year’s swimsuit competition! Men and women will compete to win hundreds of dollars in gift cards at the ONE North indoor pool, sign up at www.lincolnblockparty.com. Not only can you win hundreds of dollars in gift cards in the swimsuit contest, but you can win $1000 just for showing up!

Mark your calendar for The Lincoln Block Party on April 16 at ONE! Show up at 5:00 pm to win $1,000, compete in the swimsuit competition, and party with MTV Real Worlders! With a live DJ, FREE barbecue and hundreds of dollars in prizes this is one event you cannot afford to miss! Don’t forget to forward this e-mail to your friends!

We look forward to seeing you on April 16!

Jeff Scott

Marketing Manager

ONE

217-337-7500

jamey johnson high cost of living

I was just a normal guy
Life was just a nine to five
With bills and pressure
Piled up to the sky
She never asked
She knew I’d be
Hangin’ with my wilder friends
Looking for some other way to fly

And three days straight was no big feat
Could get by with no food or sleep
And crazy was becoming my new norm

I’d pass out on the bedroom floor
And sleep right through the calm before the storm

My life was just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
I couldn’t even tell I was alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

That southern Baptist parking lot
Is where I’d go to smoke my pot
Sit there in my pickup truck and pray
Staring at that giant cross
Just reminded me that I was lost
And it just never seemed to point the way

As soon as Jesus turned his back
I find my way across the track
Lookin’ just to score . . . another deal
With my back against that damn eight ball
I didn’t have to think or talk . . . or feel

My life was just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
I couldn’t even tell I was alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

My whole life went through my head
Layin’ in that motel bed
Watchin’ as the cops kicked in the door

I had a job and a piece of land
My sweet wife was my best friend
But I traded that for cocaine and a whore

With my new found sobriety
I’ve got the time to sit and think
Of all the things I had . . . and threw away

This prison is much colder than
That one that I was locked up in just yesterday

My life is just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
Hell I can’t even tell if I’m alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

I tell you
The high cost of livin’
Ain’t nothing like the cost of livin’ high

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

This past weekend was enough to make me realize that crawling into my hermit hole of solitude only works when people decide not to push through the barrier and distance that I've tried to put up. I miss hanging out with my two very first roommates from when i was 17. Nothing like reminiscing about coming home from school and finding one of my room mates passed out cold with a trail of wadded up paper toweling and glade cans leading to his passed out ass. Or people getting pissed off that if my dog wanted to sit at the kitchen table with us while we drank that meant that anyone not living there had to give up a seat to a mutt. I miss mystery stew, seeing massive beeramids of old mil cans stacked up getting ready to get returned to the store for more, one of my all time favorite memories is bless nicks soul but the one time the lazy motherfucker decides to clean the place he wiped off the footprints that were on the ceiling from doing keg stands so we hoisted little Luke upside down and made him walk on the ceiling to even it out. I miss botched jello shots that had too much booze to set so we ended up drinking it anyways even if it tasted like cough syrup that was poured out of a boot.

overcooked macaroni is going to be what makes me take a falling down style exit off of this planet

I've just been fucking dog tired lately, much like the rest of my life i quit paying attention for five minutes and my macaroni has gone to shit, fuck ameren in the A the least they could've done was contact ME and tell me they like working in the rain as much as I do, upon finding out I'm going back to hell thursday through sunday I've decided that putting my liver through a training camp that would make ricky hatton proud was the best course of action, I'm so tired of people assuming they know how I'm gonna react to shit, I'm tired of getting compared to my dad, and fuck random run on sentences. And im done.

pain diversion coming from a man i worship

I won't highlight shit. Theres no need. Look read. Do it again with some self awareness.


The question:

What kills your sense of trust is when you let someone into your life far enough that you believe that they do indeed have your best interests in mind, and then they turn around and fuck your asshole raw with your own kindness, goodwill and good intentions. That's what makes a man bitter and mean.


My answer:
You know how to protect against this:

See people for who they are, not who you want them to be. See a relationship for what it is, not what you want it to be.

This is a very difficult skill to learn, but until you learn this, you will probably never find someone who you are able to have a good relationship with.

When you are with someone, you need to make conscious evaluations of who they are, how they act in relation to you, what they are like, how they treat you, what you are looking for, etc. You need to be precise and almost harsh about how you evaluate them, and be honest, at the very least with yourself, and see them exactly as they are. Literally ask yourself: Where is this relationship going, and where do I want it to go? What does this person think of me and how does this compare to what I want from the relationship? Things like that.

Stupid people say that love is blind. Those people get used.

Smart people realize that love, on a basic level, is a calculation. They have good relationships.

This DOES NOT mean that attraction is a mathematical calculation or something like that. Far from it. But you must measure and understand your RELATIONSHIP to someone, and make the calculations about that upfront and conscious, instead of subconscious.

Join Date: Aug 2004

Location: Los Angeles

Posts: 16,611

Validation Points: 2370

---

Follow-up question:
I agree with everything you said, and differ to your expertise in the "game". That being said, the last part about what does this person think of me, how do you determine what another thinks of you? Is there some way to realize this? I ask this in all seriousness, because if you can point this out. It would spare a lot of people the whole hindsight is 20/20 thing. The rest of this, is pure gold and people had better be taking notes.


My answer:
Absolutely.

There are two time-tested and very effective ways to judge how a person feels about you:

1. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior: What people have done in the past is probably how they will act in the future. Not always, and be careful, because guys especially do mature, but maturation is different than a wholesale personality shift. No one changes substantially over s short period of time. Personality maturation is a glacial process.

2. Actions are the true windows into the soul: Pay attention to how people treat you, and not just in the beginning, fun, chase part of the relationship. If a guy treats you like shit, DO NOT be surprised when he fucks your friend. If a girl doesn't return you calls, DO NOT be surprised when she fucks someother guy. People are how they act; watch them and learn who they truly are.

People--it really is this simple. Not everyone is like me and will tell you they are a jerk and show you a website with proof, but if you just stop and objectively and critically look at them, you can find the same information.

Another follow-up:
This is the smartest thing you've ever written, but I think it's the hardest thing ever to actually do. This is why you will have a wonderful and happy relationship someday when you want to and most people will keep putting themselves in the same relationship over and over with different people. I've never learned how to let go of someone that I love, even if the relationship was not making me happy. It's too painful. Do you think this is a girl thing or just an insecurity thing or both?


My answer:
People cannot let love go, even when it's bad, for many reasons. I don't even know if I can list them because I don't know them all. But here are the three main ones:

-Security: This is especially true with women. A relationship and love, even if it sucks, is often seen as better than nothing at all. This is an extraordinarily strong reason, and many people will continue in a relationship long after it's over, simply because of inertia and security.

-Pain aversion: Most people will avoid pain now, even at the cost of increased pain later. It takes intelligence, discipline and maturity to take a hit now to avoid a harder one later.

-Fear of the unknown: People fear the unknown and fear being alone. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know, and people are often unsure if they can do better or if they will ever have that sort of thing again, so they cling to it.

Originally Posted by graffin226

I love her to death, but I always have the fear in the back of my head that she's gonna do the same to me. Is this justified? Is there any way to overcome said fear? Any other advice?

Is it justified? Well what the fuck do you think?

You have one of two options: You can either believe that you are so amazing and that the two of you are such great soulmates that nothing could keep you apart, not even her being in a relationship when you met...or you can open your fucking eyes and realize that you are dating a cheating whore who lied to her ex and fucked around on him behind his back, and will almost certainly do the same thing to you.

People are who they are. I can tell you for a fact that she is a cheating whore. How do I know this? LOOK AT WHAT SHE JUST DID.

I will never understand why men fall in love with whores. I just don't get it. I like whores for what they are: cum dumpsters. If you are going to fall in love, first find someone worthy of being loved.

It's not even the fact that she liked you more than him; it happens sometimes that people fall in love with someone else when they are in a relationship. But she should have just got out before she started fucking you. Breaking up is very easy, but it takes a special kind of whore to cheat, especially for TWO MONTHS.

Think about it dude--this girl was fucking two guys at once, and telling both that she loved them. What does that sound like to you? The fact that she was fucking multiple guys at once is not even the issue at all, its that she LIED to her self-proclaimed boyfriend, and took your sperm home to him. I defy anyone to label her anything except a cheating whore.

You can believe anything you want about her, but I'll tell you what my grandfather told me when I was 4 or 5 and pouting about something that I thought was unfair:

"Whether you believe in gravity or not, when you fall, you hit the ground the same way everyone else does."

I know I am standing on the shoulders of giants I really do. But holy fuck look, listen and get this. Please for the love of god?