Disarm you with a smile And leave you like they left me here To wither in denial The bitterness of one who's left alone

Instead of bitching about my wrongs of the past week whether real or perceived I've decided to throw out a few quotes and see if anyone decodes them instead

"Every one's two different people. We all have elastic codes, adjustable moral compasses and our dirty, instinctual vices. The surface is just a veneer, masking a conflicted core. At any given moment, composed as we might appear, we're all just a half fifth of whiskey, a few nitrous balloons and a congenitally weak bladder from finding ourselves..." philalawyer

"Its about chopping off somebody's arms.. The reason I wrote Disarm was because, I didn't have the guts to kill my parents, so I thought I'd get back at them through song. And rather then have an angry, angry, angry violent song I'd thought I'd write something beautiful and make them realize what tender feelings I have in my heart, and make them feel really bad for treating me like shit. Disarm's hard to talk about because people will say to me 'I listen to that song and I can't figure out what it's about.' It's like about things that are beyond words. I think you can conjure up images and put together phrases, but it's a feeling beyond words and for me it has a lot to do with like a sense of loss. Being an adult and looking back and romanticizing a childhood that never happened or went by so quickly in a naive state that you miss it." Billy Corrigan lead singer of the smashing pumpkins

"When we are green, still half-created, we believe that our dreams are rights, that the world is disposed to act in our best interests, and that falling and dying are for quitters. We live on the innocent and monstrous assurance that we alone, of all the people ever born, have a special arrangement whereby we will be allowed to stay green forever"
This Boy's Life
Tobias Wolff

Lt. Green: [about Bobby Mercer] It's been a long time since anybody's seen that face around here.
Detective Fowler: Must've gotten off for good behavior.
Lt. Green: Not likely. That's Bobby Mercer. Heavyweight champion fuck-up of the family. And that's a well defended title. Would've made his daddy proud, if he'd ever had one. I used to know him a little. Played hockey with the boy. Got thrown outta 60 odd games before the league had finally had enough of him. They called him the Michigan Mauler. Four brothers

"Juliet the dice were loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded in my heart
And I forget the movie song
When you wanna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet ?

Come up on differents streets they both were streets of shame
Both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and your dream is real
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals ? " dire straits romeo and juliet

"Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apart

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way" blessed union of souls i believe

above the below and below the upper

I don't know why everyone is trying to be an emo pussy about my life now. just think of me as life's little exigent circumstances. Wanna rub my vag better now? Theres no turning back now, not in 18 beers not in a million. I really hope you like where sleeping dogs lie blah blah blah. It was a big game till you you got my son involved and theres no amount of booze, anger, wanting to beat you that will ever take that away. So I guess congrats on your rapid descent into i wish i would've fucked you and moved on whoredom, enjoy you your ranking you don't even deserve better. Seriously give or take about a hundred thousand blow jobs and kissing deke after a million tooth brushings but beyond that apologizing to deke face to face I guess this is how it ends. "Haha fucker you got me" Yeah you got me.

And I'm done. Theres the exit stage right get the fuck out of my life.

I had big plans for our future
Said I'd give you the whole world somehow
I tried makin' good on that promise
Thought I'd be so much further by now
Never could build you a castle
Even though you're the queen of my heart
But I've had the best of intentions from the start

Now some people think I'm a loser
'Cause I seldom get things right
But you make me feel like a winner
When you wrap me in your arms so tight
Please tell me you will remember
No matter how much I do wrong
That I had the best of intentions all along

I gave you a ring
And I promised you things
I always thought we'd do
But my best-laid plans
Slipped right through my hands
To show my love for you
And if you could read my heart
Then you'd know without exception
It was all with the best of intentions

I gave you a ring
And I promised you things
I always thought we'd do
But my best-laid plans
Slipped right through my hands
To show my love for you
And if you could read my heart
Then you'd know without exception
It was all with the best of intentions

So here I am asking forgiveness
And praying that you'll understand
Don't think I take you for granted
Girl, I know just how lucky I am
Though you deserve so much better
You won't find devotion more true
'Cause I've had the best of intentions
Girl, I've had the best of intentions
Yes, I've had the best of intentions loving you

Ten movies that people are too stupid to really GET

1. fight club
2. American Beauty
3. Lord of war
4. Requiem for a dream
5. Bulworth
6. What dreams may come
7. Natural born killers
8. A beautiful mind
9. American history X
10. Idiocracy

I got compared to an onion and its not my misshapen head

"you are like an onion with your layers. you're the tough guy, the I'll drink YOU under the table guy, the hey let's get some pizza i got the munchies guy, dad, then underneath EVERYTHING you have this big heart that you have all your layers wrapped around. peel all your damn layers off, and yeah, you're about as intimidating as me after I've been drinking jager all night-- a total cupcake." Apparently that is why im the chick in a relationship? I'm not sure whether to be insulted by this or if its actually one of the nicest most genuine things any ones said about me.

updates

Bitches are fucking nuts. Update right? As I was told today apparently I'm the girl in the relationship. This makes me laugh so hard I can barely contain it. I wish I could deny it... Damn. I like to know whats going on and how people feel about me.. Guilty as charged? Fuck the fuck off I had a witty saying to that but in a bud light and Jameson addled brain I got shit. This is what I get for trying to be a closed off dick? I hate you/love you. You dirty cunt I hope you feel good. Enjoy your bgb or your wanksta. I wanna go break something or fix an engine, beat someone up, fuck a whore, pimp slap someone. 

The road to nowhere leads to me

Some random tidbits today. I fucking hate amazon associate programs that take for fucking ever to get my books here. I'm still trying to figure out why every single mom I come into contact decide they have a crush on me(seeing as how I'm an asshole and a part time dad at best to my own kid.) I got an OZZY song stuck in my head hence the name of the post. My mom is seemingly trying to get me and Molly back together because "I don't care if your sisters have kids or not you and Molly do such a good job of making them I want more from you two." It's one fifteen and my lazy ass hasn't showered yet. I think I got some Jameson left in the freezer maybe I will just catch a tune and watch my neighbors from the porch. "The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me it just wont leave me alone, I still find it all a mystery could it be a dream? The road to nowhere leads to me." What the fuck if I'd have known that I wouldn't be dead now I would've taken better care of my body and tried to you know not break so much shit that randomly gets sore. Everyone has the five year plans and shit and I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do tomorrow. 

F the F off

Now that I got both sides of me and the lyrics that best represent that.... I feel much better thank you for not asking. Have you ever wondered if a lot of the people that you love are more a matter of circumstance then growing, accepting middle ground, ageing , all that bullshit. Ever wonder if the real reason you love someone is because "oh shit they know me too well now" just hear ( I guess read me out.) The only reason that you "love" someone is because you exposed every shortcoming, every fault, every quirk and your afraid that your just not good enough and now those dirty fuckers can expose you as the fraud that you are? I hate to be the bearer of bad news (aka common sense) every relationship that you ever had is going to end on a bad note somewhere. Sad but true. Here's the trick though,  make sure the ones you are dumb enough to expose yourself to are worth your time. 

the yang to the colin hay lyrics

blood for blood some kind of hate lyrics

There's no way out.

I got some kind of hate,
I got some kind of hate,
I got some kind of hate and I hate the whole human race.

I got some kind of hate,
I got some kind of hate,
I got some kind of hate and I hate the mother fucking human race.

So let's go...

Y'know I got some bad ideas burning deep in my black heart.
Well, evil is as evil's gonna do now
Y'know I try to do my part. .. HA HA!
And I'm a time bomb tickin'... BOOM!
I been tickin' to the sounds of the rock and roll... OH NO!
I think I'm gonna explode... OH NO!
I THINK I'M GONNA EXPLODE!

You call me anti-social, well you're fucking right!
'Cause I hate this goddamned world and everything in sight
and every one in sight.
You call me anti-social, well you're fucking right!
'Cause I hate this mother fucking world and every mother fucker in sight!

I got some kind of hate for the human race.
I never found a place in the human race...
Maybe it's too late for the human race.
I never found a place in the human race...

Sometimes I wish I could just turn my back and run.
Just turn my back and run away.
Sometimes I feel like I just gotta gotta get a gun
and reach the top of the world my own way...

A scratch below the mask

Everything used to come so easily for me, never had to wonder am I doing the right thing it just was what it was and it was AWESOME. Now every step forward, back (*2) I am always questioning my motives. Where is the gray area if you do the right thing for the wrong reasons? I'm tired of people expecting shit out of me, especially when its from people that know me well. Why exactly are you trying to set the bar for how I should act? Wheres that gotten you in the past? Failure? How much of this can really get chalked up to angst anymore? I made my life and for better or worse I have begun to settle for less and that is the scariest thought imaginable in my life. Blah blah random angry(ish) typing "Its perfectly fine to be real real pissed off about what has happened to you. I was real real pissed off at a lot of things that have happened to me. If you need to rant about it, go rant about it. Allow yourself to feel the emotion, let it pass, and then re-center yourself.

But do not do two things:

1. Think anyone else cares

2. Be obsessed with it to the point where it consumes you

I am not saying to bury your emotions. Feel them. But once you have felt them, let them go, and focus on the most important question, "What now?"