I prefer everything cut and dry thank you

My son is always trying to put everything into a container, everything has it's place in his eyes. Regardless if something is too large to actually fit into the container it doesn't matter it belongs in there. I think that's actually quite a fitting analogy for my life it doesn't matter if it fits if you force it long enough and with enough force eventually it will give in to your will and hold at least temporarily. I had an epiphany about why my relationships go to shit besides picking crazy whores to begin with even the sane one's are subjected to too much forcing and not enough coaxing. Everything I've learned about myself lately has come from the eyes of an almost two year kid that is essentially me twenty something long years ago.

I'm finally ok with it all thanks for not asking

Getting ready to leave back to the frozen tundra I once called home. If everything goes my way I will have a bus ticket in hand monday, I miss my son like crazy, I act more lost then I actually am, I hate you, I love you. Does any of it really matter? I'm a winner, I'm a quitter, who the fuck cares, at least I tried to play the game(pussy). I'm going to see the place that time and caring forgot and all the emotions I should have about going back to a place that I don't care for and doesn't matter and I'm just numb to it all. I aint gonna get wrapped up in any more bullshit, I got a clean break nearer then farther away, I got everything wrapped up but one maigcal phone call. Does any of this matter? Probably not. I can finally see the dawn on the horizon, the dark clouds no longer obscuring my vision. I run from my self, I hide from myself, I find myself and still don't give a shit. Everything is a alot easier when your selfish as fuck. I used to have dreams, hope, ambitions, now.... I just want to finish cleaning up my life. I'm on a precipe between being there and falling back to the bottom where I was. Who the fuck knew it'd be such a slippery narrow slope? When I get to where I'm going will I be content then? Probably not but when you give up trying to get better is it any of it worth it?

So yeah

I am going back to my hometown in a couple of days and I am kind of hesitant as usual about it. The place just stagnates never moves forward, or backwards it just is. I inevitably will run in to at least 4 girls that I have fucked and depending on my mood, inebriation level, etc will probably fuck again. For all the downsides and as much as I hate that place I actually like who I've become even if others don't agree with it, and I have that place and the friends I made up there to thank for that. It's so weird I see my son growing so fast every time I see him and and I see most of my classmates and old friends that stayed there with kids all around the same age and I have to ask myself is this the way its always been here or is it just coincidence? Damn it baby's momma get the fuck out of there so I don't have to go back except for more funeral that WILL happen as people continue to drink and drug their way into oblivion. Something doesn't feel right about being so serious about shit lately. Shit, fuck, midget sodomy. There now I feel better. Every one has heard about buyers remorse the more I think about it I have a few case of fuckers remorse.

Change this, change that, change is full of lies, so I'll remain the same cat, just wear a good disguise

I know a lot of people disagree with me on most things, I accept and embrace the challenge of getting people to see my view even if they don't agree with it. But there is a change happening in my life, there is some kind of static electricity off in the distance, growing, changing, raging and as it gets closer to me and away from the horizon I feel no fear no unsteadiness just anticipation. I'm not sure what the storm on the horizon is about it could be a family crisis happening, it could be me finally having enough of this shithole and shipping elsewhere. Feeling a million different emotions don't mean shit when the two that are your motivators are apathy and indifference.

Sometimes im kinda immature

So what if your a dirty whore and started fucking my "friend" who i let stay on my couch when he was running from the law cuz hes a scum bag and likes to steal shit. I guess the only real thing I got to say about it anymore is how often do you get to ask B rabbit "So how exactly does my dick taste?" In a losing battle of a lost cause sometimes all you can do is laugh take it in stride and hit an easy target.

Indifference

Sometimes the best emotion is nothing at all. Apathy and indifference have become a big part of my life again and its not neccessarily bad anymore. Sometimes you gotta realize that you just can't save everyone and to be blunt not all people are worth saving even. Don't get me wrong I would give the shirt off my back to someone that NEEDED it but, to hear about more of my old friends getting caught up in speed and booze back home just kind of makes me sick. That place is fucking purgatory there is nothing more than a vast whiteness with no beginning and no end. Until you escape it you most likely are going to die there with some form of a substance abuse habit. Shit even if you leave and the evil power that radiates from that place pulls you back and least you can die a proud junkie knowing that at least you tried to fight your way out of it. Sometimes eminem just sums it up best
To all the weed that I've smoked,
Yo this blunt's for you.
To all the people I've offended,
Yeah fuck you too.
To all the friends I use to have,
I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass.
For all the drugs that I've done,
Yo I'm still gonna do.
To all the people I've offended,
Ya fuck you too.
Every time I reminisce,
Yo I miss my past.
But I still don't give a fuck,
Y'all can kiss my ass!

still fighting the good fight

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that they're white? I bet you just lay in bed at night knowing that you would've been the next big rap star if only you weren't melanin challenged. Seriously since when is it cool to try and act like something your not? You don't see me running around in black face talkin bout reppin my hood, dog. Do you? Know why? A long list of reasons why but the main one being I accept and fuck even embrace my whiteness. If I run around and make horns with my fingers and poke you does that make me a bull? No it makes me a jackass. Take note wigger no matter how much you think you can relate with biggie you grew up in a white as fuck rural town. The fake ghetto accent is like a wonderful boones farm wine it's only getting better with age(and by getting better means I die on the inside a little when I have to claim being the same race while simultaneously laughing.)

You like to see homo's naked?

So I'm journeying up the great white shithole again next week. Every time I go I try and hype myself up telling myself that its gonna be fun this time. Unfortunately my son is the best allegory of this as soon as I think its tolerable bam 18 month fist to the dick. Don't get me wrong I love my son more then life itself but sometimes you just gotta see the writing on the wall when your getting pet and hes got a big shit eating grin hes just getting ready to wind up and hit you in the skin chandeliers. I guess what I'm getting at is that everything's well and good but deep down your expecting a toddler to punch you in your coin purse?

Speechless

I am at a loss for words yes indeed it rubs the lotion on the skin. Why has no one heard of these guys that are at least funny yet britney spears still pollutes my ears whenever that vapid whore isn't in rehab?

Whos life is this?

I just realized that when I was a child and thought that girls had a secret fraternity (sorority?) that I might not have been that far off from the truth. Why is it every time A girl says that she hates sucking dick you always end up getting a blow job that would put a porn star to shame? I'm on to you fuckers, I don't like giving head has officially become my second favorite sentence right behind I would never sleep with you.